Morning Coffee Thoughts

The Huge Tiny Littles

2011-12-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

The house was cleaned, table set, Christmas tree and décor just right.
The food prepared, guest gifts wrapped, games planned even the music played softly in the background.
For this 12 year old, the long awaited day had arrived. She had chosen what clothes she would wear, hand made the invitations, even instructed her siblings and parents how to behave.
The clock in the hallway with each tick, tick, tick, would soon be announcing her guests and she was ready.
Ready for the curtain to raise so her Christmas party of wonderful delight could begin. But the curtain didn’t raise, no one came.
The maybe they’re just late thoughts disappeared in sorrow as 45 minutes latter still no one came.
She could feel the tears coming as she ran to her room, closed the door, laid on her bed and with covers over her head, cried into the little blanket she had, had since a child.
Broken heart tears that begged the “how come they didn’t come” questions. Hot tears that scream how come nobody likes me?
It is the song of this moment and it is sad, It is the realist of sad's for each particle of each second is felt in full measure of sorrow, sorrow on top of sorrow more than the heart can hold and it breaks out in tears that feel like it could fill an ocean.
In her tears she turns to Jesus her heavenly Papa. Why Lord didn’t they come? Why, why?
Exhausted in sorrow with her heart she can hear him say, I am with you, I love you, you are so dear, every tear every tiny part of every sorrow you feel I feel, I am here, right here, for you.
Let go into me your heart of hurt, let it rest in me, see that I am holding you.
You are so incredibly precious, so loved, so cherished. Feel that I am living, breathing, and in my breathing you are in the most deepest part of my heart of hearts.
The sad song of this moment I hold and I put it and you in the deepest love of all that I am. It doesn’t make it go away but where it is in me is so full of my love for you, you don’t have to hold it. Let it go in me. See how I hold and feel every tiny bit of it.
I take your very real sorrow song of this moment and hold it with my huge orchestra of my love. For love will always do far more than sorrow wants to destroy.
Look for me, for I am the great GOD that specializes in the little's that are huge.
I will provide little ways to help you through. The little ways will not always fix everything the way you want it, but they will be so full of me, they will make you feel you are known and not alone, that you are loved by me and that I am always, always, caring about you every second.
Can you see your sorrow placed in my love?
Can you see that it is so deep in me?
Can you see that in me is so much love that the sorrow is small in comparison, yet fully valued.
There is not a single part of who you are ,that I do not fully love, when you hurt in any way I fully, fully, fully, know it and love you.
Every part of every second I am for you. And all the seconds of tomorrow when you hurt again all you have to do is look with your heart to see how much you are loved by me and I will take care of you.
Even now I have hand picked your mother and father to be with you for this very moment . It is my love for you that your mother is at your door worried about how you feel.
Sure enough her mom was there. .
At first she wanted to be left alone but now she knew that her parents were a part of the tiny loves sent from GOD who loves her so much.
And she did have her party, it wasn’t what she had dreamed, I mean it consisted of her dorky brother, two sisters and her parents, but she did have fun and most of all she saw it was all put together by her heavenly Papa that loves her so much.
That night after her dad tucked her in and shared with her a story Jesus told about a guy who had a party and no one came, she laid in bed, and prayed,
“Father what a day, my heart still hurts, but I do see you are right in the center of everything and my hurt is deep in the center of your huge love for me. Thank you for the tiny little's of your love that are so huge when I need them most . Thank you that I can see you hold my heart, and the me, just the way I am, you love me, love me, love me.
I’m going sleep in you Jesus, in your love, amen and night, night.”

The greatest mark you will make in life is Love.

2011-10-19T16:51:00.000-07:00

Aint no feebles

2011-10-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Cares important cares fling at me with alarming frequency,
which one to pull from the air they all beg my concern.

Hello,,,my brain can only go so fast,
yet each one begs I'm important too.

So I reach up take one and hand it up to you
and see in your face you already carried it.

You truly know me Father and the small feebles of my heart,
how little I can hold.
Then hear you gently say,
"Little one look where you have put them how capable I am".
And again I realize thar aint no feebles when I'm in Him.

Solitude of amen

2011-10-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

In his stillness my spirit rests,
to joy in the length of a minute,
escaping rushing thoughts.
Enjoying heart in him,
in the solitude of Amen.

To Mom

2011-10-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

The countless loves she loved me with
from tiny babe to now old man.
Times when I hurt her heart, her precious love
she still loved on.
Gifts upon gifts into my life she gave.
Of her heart, her time, her life.
How do I hold all she has held me with?
God, who is love can only give a gift that dear,
only you can fill oceans of love debts owed.
Give it Lord to her all my love and your's too
ted

Open Heart

2011-10-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

Chain bound self, controlled by control, fueled by fear resulting in anger, empty of contentment, life lived for the life satan designed to keep us free from open heart. Open heart to the father's heart.
The futility of our effort to make life work known as teddy knows best requires a closed heart, the old" if its going to be, it's up to me " lie.
Open heart to the father is freedom from self.
Open heart is the delight of watching what He is doing today and following him. It is living from the heart that results in the head. It is responding from the" love that has shed abroad in our heart", follow the love he leads you with and you will find how trustworthy he is to take care of the old head box.
Open heart to him.
I think we were seldom led by others how to be loved by God, we got the head stuff just fine, God is love and loving, but the reality of this moment I am loved and I am loved in this moment and this and this, was not there. For it is not a concept to be grasped it is HIM! And oh what a Him he is.
Father thank you for winning me over to trust you. Thank you for contiually untwisting the twisted parts of ted that keep me from having an open heart.
I heard someone say I want to be a free range beliver in God's love. Me too Lord, me too.

Duh never looked so beautiful!

2011-10-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

Tinkering and tunkering in me olde head box comes mighty slow. Even though right in front of me a truth has been staring at me. Lodged, catalogued, retrievable and then the breath of who he is, ignites and plants deep a new part of himself and I stand amazed.
Often it is nothing others would consider a big deal, but for me I wear it like a robe of light and twirl around. They are the duhs. Yet when gift wrapped by the one who paints the evening skies and places diamonds in morning dew drops. They are light and life.
So what is my duh of excitement?
The greatest accomplishment of life is what tiny acts of love you can do each day.
"For the greatest of these is love."
I know for this moment I am in this special part of himself getting to hold for the first time this beautiful light of a truth. It is mine yet it is also him and is now a part of me.
Duh never looked so beautiful.

Discovery

2011-10-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

I journey through shiny green meadows that sparkle in mountain sun.

Grey waiting days playing long, long grey songs.

Each has it's place a purpose of who he is. And in it's wake I realize who I am in him.

Unexplored adventures beckons childhood response. A gift of wonderful excitement from such a happy heart.
Birthed from sounds of memories, that paint colors into words and for tell the wonders of tomorrow which are brighten by his stars.

The solitudes of myself woven into his delight orchestrated and explains his love to me, my life.

Himself

2010-05-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Listening to her play the piano, GOD's spirit touches me.
Gently laying in the music of himself, his care and tenderness tends perfectly to my soul.
Himself the colors, the sounds.
Himself who tucks me into folds of love, sounds of his spirit in twines and covers me, where words alone could never paint.
I receive, heal and know and am known.
Himself who is ever loving me first that I might love in return.
His special flowing moving healing love of himself
I look and see the little girl of his delight whom he uses to minister himself to me.
He shares with me her spirit of delight to play for the king. Sparkling eyes, beautiful heart, he loves her like crazy.
My heart so full I want to tell her over and over of the Father gift she gives me each time she plays.
It is the gift of grace, the gift of himself that could never be repaid.
My solace and joy is that I know the same Himself is her Himself and he can do and is, far more in a zillion far more ways.
So Father give her a hug from me and thank her, bless her with great heaps of yourself as I know you do.
ted

It was love not an accusing finger

2010-05-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

It was love not an accusing finger
I know the evil of my sin

It was love not an accusing finger
A love that had to be more desirous than sin
that would lead my affections away from myself.

It was love not an accusing finger
Love so consistent so continual
it would fill the empty voids of my soul.
It would be there to feed me,
to touch and breath in all day long.

A love I would learn to trust and live in.

His love heals, lives and gives life!
Accusing finger tears down, shames, condemns.

"There is now, no more condemnation
for those who are in Christ"

Wind of the Living Spirit

2010-05-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

Wind hovering over the water
The invisible moving the visible
Lord I step into your breathing
Feeling the movement of yourself
I am invited to be loved.

You are the living, moving Spirit in me.
Your offering hand to live in your unraveling healing
is what I need so badly.

The Living Moving Spirit, is you Father.
It's you, that loves this raggedy, grungy kid,
so unlovely, you see me as beloved.

Accepting your invitation I move with you.
Your presence clothes me in dazzling colors.
Your extravagant love holds the gaze of my heart
as I am loved and loved and loved.

Oh Wind of the Living Spirit let's live together, forever.

The Continual Touch

2010-04-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

There is the difference that makes today significant and that is to love, to join in with our heavenly Father's continual touch in us and touch someone else with love.
The beautiful thing of love is you don't even have to be present to love. It reaches its mark through your prayers via He who is love.
We have known since our youth that love never dies, is that why my love for my Dad that passed away a number of years ago is still a fresh joy to love?
A continual touch invitation to love others was given first to me by love so amazing so divine demands my soul, my life, my all.

Marvel

2010-04-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

Marvel is the word that continually laps at the beach of my heart.
Marvel at how the Father arranges and redirects the best for us.
Marvel how he holds our attention to tiny everyday wonders of life.
Marvel at how a word like dear and precious changes into deeper meanings of love.
Marvel at the sweetness of a shared moment.
Marvel how noise and busyness of life takes back seat to the more significant quiet deep peace of Himself.
Marvel how old eyes can see so young, captivated of a never ending parade of his wonders.
Marvel in the security of being so known , not needing to be sumpin but getting to be just his kid, contented.
Marvel at the enjoyment of everyday tasks is His design to enjoy today.
Marvel at the gift of marveling.

CO-TOUCH

2010-04-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Co-touch
Led into loves of Himself through my dear wife we co-touch the beautiful delights of her design.
What she joys in, with Father like sparkle, tickles and spins the youth of our love.
Inhaling the wonder I behold and hold my wonder, my beloved.
Love beyond ourselves the air we share, His gift, Himself, ourselves, the deepest dearest giver of love and life.

Mr.Salvation

2010-04-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

Good morning Larry
God's love is stronger than our worries and fears. There have been times when serious health issues have come upon me. They came with such a force it knocked the wind right out of me and landed me on my back.
My heart and mind was frantic.
The uncertainty of how my future would forever be altered flooded my mind with crazy desperate flying emotions.
Somewhere in the middle of all this I met Mr. Salvation.
GOD is ever revealing himself to us, It was at this time he revealed to me that the person of GOD is salvation.
A salvation on a zillion different fronts all at the same time. A salvation that could calm the crazies that I was now holding.
Salvation, that word is so dear to me now, For it is Him.
GOD gives us life from his life.
We get to live through him.
In the book of Jude it says you Larry are called by GOD.
Can you hear him say your name ?
Larry I have called you, for this time, in the situation you are in. I have called you to rest in me. I, who love you so deeply and dearly am salvation.
Open your arms wide I will show you what a mercy filled with love can do for my Larry, a child I created, that I love , that I had in my mind before I created the first star.
You are safe in me.
Come live in salvation.

Living in the deep end of his love with you
ted

Letting Him lead

2010-03-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Goot Morning Comrade larry

What sustains us in our daily walk?
Waking up in the morning takes as much time as my computer slowly coming to life.
If you're anything like me I do not engage very well mentally for at least an hour and a cup of coffee has been guzzled.
Doesn't there also seem to be a time lapse spiritually connecting to the father first thing in the morning? Maybe not for you morning people but for us night folk when GOD is up mornings are best performed as slow as possible for maximum results.
And if there are anxious worries in our life or just the todo list running through our head, it can take all our attention easily.
Reading in Luke this morning I came across this concept stuck in the words of Jesus telling his disciples how he felt about being famous.
Just substitute successful for famous that's the word we use in our culture.
Luke 9:46-48 You become great by accepting me as the one who you follow today. Not by asserting your own wisdom. It is your spirit in harmony, in step with him.

Today I look with you at what GOD could be directing. If it is it will connect and be confirmed along the way, if not it will slip into lala land and maybe it was meant for me instead.
I don't know what is going on with your business in regards to needing a salesperson but if yours is like mine . GOD hasn't brought anyone into my life for that job, and believe you me I have had an eye out for him to do so.

So I will share with you what he has unfolded for me so far.

Number 1 and most important is what we have already talked about in the fine art of letting him lead. And how that is closely connected to how we are loved and living that love today.

Number 2 comes from "Lord I don't want to be a salesman they seem naggy, snaggy , pushy and self centered."
But Lord I know my business all comes down to me selling."
There wasn't a whole lot of righteous warm fuzzies in it. until he reminded me about your Dad.
I was not able to attend your Father's funeral but AnneBeth reported to me of the large number that attended.
And I remember well the notes and phone calls your mom received of people calling to share their sympathy.
I am in no way bringing this up thinking you have to take your father's place , Nor should you carry that around in your head.
The reason why I bring this up is what I have learned from the father by looking at your Dad's life.
If this applies to you great if it doesn't just let it slide on by.
Your Dad was well liked and significant to other people not because his stove hearths were so wonderful.
Your Dad was so liked because he genuinely cared for people he would encourage them with love or a good joke.
Folk could see the good in him and it made their day special when he showed up.
They were more than a"prospect" they were his friends and he cared about their lives.
What is stronger than our perceptions of salesmen or our fears that we are going to be rejected time after time?
It's Love
Can you see the connection to us being constantly loved by GOD and letting him change us to love others?
If we get to go out and love people, encourage them with the Fathers Love, is there no higher calling.
If rejection comes and it will, if we were able to love with the father right there, with that person it would'nt matter if they bought a single loaf of bread or cup of coffee.
GOD accomplished what he wanted done and we got to be a part of it.
GOD has given you wonderful qualities that encourage people, your bright eyes and cheerful countenance is a blessing from GOD to others,
You don't need to say anything GODly He shines out of you. You know words are cheap but genuine love is powerful.
There is a whole world out there that would love to be loved by the Father through you.

I reckon the job title is being the Father's love distributor to the Portland area.

There is a kick that comes from co-loving with GOD he will nudge you to listen a little longer to what the person really is concerned about and your there .
GOD will show you ways you can increase the persons business and it may not have any financial benefit to you. But it wont matter because you are being faithful to what the Father wants done today.
That you have a ministry at the bakery loving folks there, I don't doubt it in the least, With your uncle working there does this allow you to follow Christ into the city disguised as a salesman?
Your Dad was a great salesman because he loved the people not the stove hearths, it was the people that invigorated him not the hearths, his life touched a life with God's love.
IT is God's love working in us. As we are loved more and more, fears of rejection disappear because we were able to give love and needed not the client's business.
Can you see how GOD works "fear not," follow me, or seek ye first the Kingdom of GOD into living loved in him.
Your prospects your clients become opportunities to be loved and to love, what a satisfying life.

Number 3 Being a salesman isn't about trying to convince, coerce or manipulate someone into buying what you have.
It is caring for them with his love and if they want your product it's right there, the topic will come up, people are out there needing bakery goods you're not twisting there arms .
GOD knows how to take care of his own bakery since he is the CEO of Hometown Cafe & Bakery I imagine he can do a pretty good job.
How do you begin? You look at what he has put into you heart and head already.
I know GOD, he is planting little steps in us all the time and he is really good at just waiting until we circle back around and do the last little thing he nudged us to do.
Take the little nudge step and do it. He really gets off on the little wacky nudge steps.
Tiny things are huge to Him.
Remember he is the expert who uses the small to baffle the mighty.
Do you have a passion for a certain direction or people , take the next step, it is crazy to think that GOD isn't in our passions and interests.
GOD who do you want me to touch today with your love is a great step just don't be surprised when he says go home and take your wife for a drive or go home and take a nap.
He is GOD that cares for his children and he delights when you do the bazaar just because he wanted you to.
It is faith in him leading that he delights in. So go delight GOD!
your co-looker of GOD

Colored perfectly for this day

2010-03-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Comrade Larry

You are so known by our father.
It is here as we live with him where things happen.
It is so endearing to think about and feel his love. It is enjoying his continual invitation to have more of him that makes this day significant.
Last night it rained hard and blew, this morning it is grey and the world outside looks and feels like it is recovering from the thrashing of last night.
Amidst the feeling of recovering is my GOD, he matches so perfectly the condition of life as it is.
His love is perfect. Perfect in the sense He comes alongside where we are, how we feel and he co-exists with his supporting love telling us we are his own, known and cherished in the color and mood of how we are feeling right now.
His love never bullies us it is there to heal and just hang out with.
Last year when I would sit day in and day out in pain, I did nothing in him I didn't have to think thoughts of admiration of him or conger up words I was in the center of his will being sick in pain doing nothing and in the pain his color of love matched how I felt and comforted me that I could just be the me I was at that moment in time.
You and I have heard since we were very small that he is the GOD of comfort. But I never realized all the many ways he shows it.
There has been times when I was fed up with the pressures of adults and he would bring a child to me that was excited to give me a hug.
I remember wanting to just run away and get away from everything but I couldn't and he touched me with a song the pianist played at church.
I would be running my head so fast trying to keep up with the demands that had to be met now and in the middle of it he showed me the colors of a fruit tree in bloom.
Weird timing yet told me that I all I was doing wasn't keeping the universe held together. There was still love and beauty taking place, there are still, still waters and baby lambs being born and younger sisters in love and old faithful dogs that love you no matter what is going on.
Our Father is the loving precious author of showing us how we can escape from ourselves and be his son.
Love you,
This day is significant because we are so loved by the same father.
Lord show us both how to live inside who you are so loved in love that is colored perfectly for this day.
co-looker of the Father
tedeetoe

Power of love over lies

2010-03-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Larry
I never share anything new I only look with you what GOD has already placed deep in our hearts of himself. So I am your co-looker of GOD.

You have heard be anxious of nothing and make your request be known to GOD...
Easy to say and you know there is truth in it but walking it out is a different story.
It's kind of like don't think about pink elephants. (good luck)
In the pressure of life and especially in business it seems like everything screams do this, and this and this. The pressure of everything can seem so frantic if you don't do it all now the world will blow apart.
In fact if you get 4 of these fr antics in a row it will wind you up in knot which will feel like a punch in the gut.
I want share with you 2 lies that satan loves to use.
Lie number 1 if you just work harder faster and longer you will succeed.
This is so easy to buy into because it is in your power to achieve it.
You can work harder, faster, and longer but the outcome satan knows is this is a dandy way to not only destroy you(burn out) but also your family because they carry your burden as well. And it preoccupies you from having a close relationship with Christ.
So how does this be anxious about nothing happen?
It comes by relationship,,,, not doing more but actually doing less. You stop doing so GOD can.
Think about when you were a kid all you had to do was what Dad told you to do.
It was a father to son relationship. Jesus did the same when he said "I only do what I see my Father doing..."
The world and everyone seems to be shouting you're the father do something!
That's the lie you are not the father you are the son.
To be a son that isn't anxious you need to relax into the father being able to calm the anxious seas that is driving you nuts.
This isn't a mindset that you walk around with, This is receiving real time love and affection from GOD to you.
A tangible real relationship where you look at him just as you would if your earthly Dad was standing right there. Just like your earthly Dad you can see GOD saying look at me Larry am I all frantic about the mess you're in?
NO I have thousands of years experience of loving my kids through messes and I love you so much I promise I will be with you every second and anytime you doubt that just look at me and I will reassure that I love you and I promise never to leave you by yourself.
MY love is a secure protective love that what you care about I care far more. All you have to do is look at me to see the truth.
When your little boy comes running to you scared do you not pick him up and love him to reassure him.
Well I am right here let me pick you I am the author of loving.
It is by you seeing I love you just as it would be by your love to your son that casts his fear and you have peace.
Live being constantly loved by me by turning and receiving.

Lie # 2 satan loves to say who you are is based on the bad decisions you've made. Look everyone is watching to see if you will fall flat on your face. They all trusted you and boy you are sure letting them down. What a joke you are thinking you could pull this off. You are the looser . Shame on you for getting everybody into this mess.
You see the accuser is very skilled at being a creep he's been practicing for thousands of years. He loves to throw on you it's all your fault and it is all up to you. For when you buy into it he knows it will take you down and keep you from your relationship with Christ.

Larry a real man of faith and love doesn't depend on himself, his life points that he is depending on GOD. And his life is an invitation for others to join him in being loved by GOD and letting GOD lead and feed him.
Confidence is shown to others by your ability to be loved, that you walk secure with his gentleness as a son not a father.
The load you carry is that you know what GOD desires of you today and you live in his love doing it.
If there is a decision that needs to be made you wait for GOD's confirming peace. If time demands an answer now you know that GOD can use your choice even if it turns out to be a bad decision.
You know and live in the GOD that has never said "Larry I want you to worry about this today."
You know and live in this wonderful GOD that says "I am sufficient to handle whatever this day has let's go do it together."
You know when fears and pressures come to look to your father and see if he is worried,to see if He is still concerned about what your facing and be reassured that he is right there for you.

The big difference between GOD and satan . GOD will give a direction the next step he is constructive not destructive. satan will let you sit and stir, keep you up worrying and let you rot in anxiousness.

Bottom line :
The very best thing you can do is as you go through the day keep asking, Lord show me I'm loved by you. Show me how to live being loved this day with you.

Your co-looker of GOD
and fellow brother loved of GOD
ted

An Abraham Letter to a friend

2010-03-21T04:21:00.000-07:00

Hello my brother Abraham
Yeah I know you are larry but as I read Romans I see you as Abraham.
Look at Romans chapter 4 start around verse 12 . Abraham was claimed faithful by what he watched GOD doing . He was willing to live in faith of what GOD was doing for him and trust that perfect father to take care of him.
It says that he lived this way long before the promise came true. The promise of GOD required nothing for Abraham to do.
It was GOD saying I will put everything together for you. Your job, is that you get the joy of sitting on an old apple crate and watch me do it. Now I will show you things to do when I want you to, but your job is to stay on that crate and watch me do what I do best. And that is loving you with all my heart so stay on the box and have fun seeing that it is I who am alive and living this day in real time with you.
And right there in Romans it says that Abraham entered into this relationship with his heavenly Papa and believed and trusted and rested and let his Papa be his papa.
It is also clear that it wasn’t because Abraham was such a good man it was because GOD wanted to do it for Abraham. Like a good Papa he loves to give good gifts to his children.
Abraham was to simply embrace what GOD does. The fulfillment of the promise depended entirely of Abraham keeping himself away from what GOD was doing and only responding to GOD when he was asked.
The greatest freedom of being a Christian is the freedom we get from being free from ourselves.
GOD loves to pick nobody’s like Abraham is what I see this verse 17-18. You and I are nobodies in and of ourselves.
GOD stepped in when the situation was hopeless this dude was 100 years old, cranking out a kid was pretty much a bet only a fruitcake would take on. But between the lines of this story when I ask GOD show more what is going on he says it’s not rocket science Ted, we enjoyed each other he knew I loved him not just with head but with his heart we lived together we talked to together. He looked at me when he loved me, he could see in my face that I not only wanted what was best for him he also could tell that I was capable of handling anything present and future and not even break a sweat. Abraham decided to live with me not base on what he could do but on what I promised I would do for him. His reassurance was only a glance away, I was always there. When he lived looking at me all those years waiting he changed, instead of discouragement it got the point of when it happens it will happen it will be great when that day comes but I am enjoying this day with papa and that’s a mighty fine thing!
Larry look at the last part of chapter 4 it’s not just for Abraham it’s for us as well.
You want a new spin on GOD’s heart? Every time you see the word Faith change it to relationship with GOD and it will show you his heart. The sacrifice Jesus gave us on the cross allowed us to have this type of wonderful relationship with our heavenly father.
You are so known and loved, he is not worried about your how big your difficulties are in fact it excites him that you are looking to him to save you. He really gets off on being the redeemer of hopeless frantic yeahoos like you and I.
Our Papa is saying come see as you live in me the still waters of who I am.
As you look at me how much I love you, see also that I really do have enough marbles in my head and a pretty handy magic wand to handle your life's situation.
Larry I love you ,I want you to not only enjoy me but also this day, go and have fun loving on others, open your heart wide, you may not have money to huck around but you do have all the love and caring and kindness and laughter and silliness that I have stuck in you.
I will show you how to be a little carefree kid in a busy life. I will show you how to see life with me.
I giveyou permission to place all the responsibilities on me to figure out solutions.
I give you back just being Larry, not caretaker of the universe.
We will walk out this day together and it amidst the busyness I will show you that the birds still chirp when I swing spring back around again.
I am saying is that I love you with a love that is not only personal but able to do far more than you could think or do by yourself. Hmmmm I have heard that somewhere before.
I sure love you. Abraham’s Papa is Larry’s Papa too!

I Look to Live In Eyes that Desire

2010-01-31T16:17:00.001-08:00

I look to live in His eyes that desire
Eyes that deem that I'm worth desiring
Eyes that fill my endless longings allowing searching to retire

I look to live in His eyes that desire
bright excited that I am here
to come and play, come and stay
eyes that affirm that I matter

I look to live in His eyes that desire
when mind need not engage
to enjoy the company of his spirit within
all the pleasures of His wind.

Oh tweedle dee and tweedle da and a healthy He He He
LIVING IN HIS EYES OF LOVE!

I look to live in His eyes of desire

I

Protected

2010-01-15T07:35:00.000-08:00

What's up with the strong deep longings within me?
Living my whole life with them I have followed them down the dark mine shaft and at the end found it all centered on love, not enough love, never enough love, never satisfied.
I saw that my desire to fufill my longings was the very reason I would sin.
I was trying to satisfy my longing of love in a way not in fellowship with my Heavenly Father.
I heard recently that my deep longings,create a perfect base for my temptations to cultivate and these longings are so strong because I have not lived in GOD's Love.
That if at that moment I invited Christ into the situation and fellowshipped in his love it would overpower the temptation.
This makes sense I don't cheat on my wife because I would never want to hurt her because I prize her love so much.
So on my journey I am often asking GOD :
[what don't I know about your love right here , right now in this very moment that if I did my heart would be different?]

The theme of love is always receiving, if we don't spend time receiving, we will run to our own resources called sin to satisfy.
Even giving love is a response of what we have and are receiving .
Lord teach me to be the catcher and not the pitcher so when you ask me to pitch I will have your pitch to throw.

Now that I blurgagated the mechanics of my thoughts, Let me tell you of He who is within me.
For as long as I can remember I have enhanced my relationship with GOD by pouring into my head religious books and principles and sadly trusted in my collection of principles and knowledge and called that my relationship with GOD.
But what a cheap Pharisaical way of living with Christ.
Now I have him , he who is, and the best word I have to describe it is"PROTECTED".
I feel my spirit living daily in his protecting love, and his love is the fulfillment of my deep longings I could never fill.
Oh it's a journey, I have years of habits trusting myself and trying to satisfy my own desires, but I wouldn't trade this present joy of him for anything.
Remember that old hymn "In my heart there rings a melody of heavens harmony?"
If Jesus is heavens harmony it is accompanying me.
Lately on TV AnneBeth has enjoyed watching a TV show where people who were put up for adoption are reunited with their birth family. Almost always their search is motivated by a longing to fill a void an empty hole in their heart. And when the reunion is accomplished there is peace and joy and tons of love.
Peace and joy and tons of love that's the way I would describe God's protected love for me, in me.

"What part of your love don't I understand, that if I did my heart would be different right now?"

You are Loved

2009-11-29T07:20:00.000-08:00

Giving ones heart, is trusting your heart that he who has it, is able to care for it better than you can.

The security for your trust is his past consistency in faithfuly caring for you, it is His love.

In order to be loved and to live loved you have to spend time being loved.

It is not something you do for GOD, it is receiving from him that we grow in who he is.

Often Christians think it is what they do for GOD, that is like a guy who goes on a first date and all he does is talks about himself. At the end of the date he doesn't know a thing about her.

GOD is love and he loves to give, It is our part to follow what he is doing, to position ourselves deliberately to be able to receive his love.

Most of our sinning comes because we do not receive his love. If we were head over heels in love we wouldn't think twice about hurting our lover.

GOD does not want guilt us into a relationship with him, he wants to love us into a deep relationship with us.
What cuts us off, is us, we control our lives,
It was the sin of desiring control that got Lucifer going down the wrong path, It was control he tempted Adam and Eve in the garden with.
To follow is to follow not control and make decisions.
Our Heavenly Father is inviting us unto himself his way by love.
It is my love that I give to you which is life and contentment,

by seeking to be loved by me you will be seeking my kingdom first.

Only a fool would choose control over perfect unconditional nonstop love.

Be still and know you are loved

Darkness into Light

2009-09-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

This morning I watched once again our Heavenly Father turn darkness into light.
Slowly the light of this morning revealed that which was in darkness. Trees turned from dark silhouettes to green trees, black night turned to grey dawn to a blue Sky morning.
The same is true in my life as I watch him slowly revealing himself until that day when his joy is made complete and we see and know in full.This wonderful of wonderfuls

He is my...

2009-09-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

He is my cause,
I need not pick up any that represent him.
He is my identity,
for only he knows who I truly am.
His spirit is him,
and right inside of me.
You talk to me,
he's right there too.

Perpetual love

2009-09-10T06:47:00.000-07:00

What an incredible gift in earthen vessel.
His love a happy sweet gentle energy of consistency and care.
To know him is reason enough to leave the pleasures of this world.
To walk in his love, not only what he did in the past but his love for this moment. For he is the perpetual I love you ted.

The real Jesus relationship

2009-07-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Not to walk as Jesus walk but to let Jesus walk through us, to let him shine out of this earthen vessel. No longer do for Jesus but letting Jesus do through us.
Recently a women from Ireland blew the world away with her incredible voice. She had it all along, but one day it was let out for the world to hear.
The same is true with Christ in our life, let him out, trust him enough to lead you. Our Christianity is so weak to the world because our love relationship our daily fellowship with Jesus is so weak. I never have any trouble telling anyone how wonderful my wife is, shouldn't the same be true for He who is love and inside of us?
The pleading of volunteers in churches go unheeded because the members don't have a relationship with Jesus that is so real that they would want to serve HIm.
Frankly keeping the church machinery going is more duty than joy unless they see Jesus in all they do and are being led by him to minister this need, otherwise all you are doing is shaming someone into religious obligations.
Pastors WE DON'T NEED TO SEE HOW MUCH HEAD KNOWLEDGE YOU HAVE AND HOW WELL YOU CAN WORD SMITH YOUR COLLECTIONS OF CLEVEROSITY. WE NEED TO SEE AND HAVE YOU TEACH AND ENCOURAGE US HOW TO BE FULL OF THE SPIRIT TO WALK WITH HIM AND TALK WITH HIM AND KNOW WE ARE HIS OWN . SHOW US THE TESTIMONY FROM YOUR LIFE THE TESTIMONY OF HIS LIFE THAT WE MIGHT KNOW HIM MORE AND GROW IN LOVE WITH MORE.
The apostle John laid his head on Jesus for he loved him so dearly, Peter swam ashore hearing it was Jesus after he denied him 3 times, on and on People ran to be loved by Jesus, we too need to run to him who loves you with a sparkle in his eye that you are his special delight. So many of us have heard the familiar invitation to give your heart to Jesus. We need to give more of our heart to listen and be with this incredible creator.
Bottom line : It's not the church institution, people are attracted to give their life for, It is the person of Jesus.

Listening & being with GOD where he is

2009-07-19T20:22:00.000-07:00

It is a beautiful summer evening and my world is quiet.
My heavenly Father continues to work within me though not with words or thoughts but an inner sense knowledge of him silently is in me.
He is GOD and the ways he chooses to communicate within me I have no control over. But my spirit testifies and knows he is within and rests so easy in that love.
This silent work within is the freedom to walk as he did, to love and care to see life and the institution the church from his perspective.
It is also the positioning of my heart to where he is, instead of where I want him to be for me.
It is almost 9 PM and the sun is setting over the Olympic mountain range and shining on the water. The end of the day stretches out and is easing in to the restful peace of night. And as I watch it, His spirit within allows me into the rest and beauty of he who made today, today.
A long Sunday nap, visiting my mother, children at church and the music that hearts could worship this so personal and loving GOD. Sitting here with him in the closing display of the day is a gift that ministers deep to my soul and my love for him.

The Private side of walking with Jesus

2009-07-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

The new testament talks often about Jesus being human, Yep but he is GOD at the same time, so I quickly clunk in the GOD, King of Kings picture in my mind. But lately his human side has caught my attention.
For example today is a grey foggy morning and I am not a morning person. My mind is not snappy in fact it is more nappy than snappy. And right here, right now, he is with me in my groggy state of mind.
What I enjoy, is his complete acceptance of me I cannot do anything to please him more, his only request is that I follow him to where he wants to go and do and right now sitting half groggy in my fat boy recliner is just fine with him. I am at ease, with myself and with him.
Yes, he is that mighty king of kings but he is also human , touchable, able to be in the moment.
My grandparents before they passed away didn't talk much of their affection, they didn't have too, they knew each other so well had spent so much of their life and heart together they just knew and didn't need words.
My human Jesus my elder brother who is always standing before the Father on my behalf is that way in my heart, in my soul.
It is his "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Personal, yes, the very one who is Love, sits with me this morning and lets me enjoy him.

Between you and GOD

2009-07-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

I love the raw truth of this poem and the last line says it all it is between you and GOD!
GOD leads us through some mighty tough and unpleasant life situations but who he is and how much he cares never ceases. I can't help but think as I read the poem how a parent loves their child unconditionally for the average child will go through most of this list with his/her parents.
What an incredible loving father in heaven we have to love and be loved by.

Anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

He turns darkness into light

2009-06-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

Remember an old song that goes "let the sunshine in do it with a grin" Lately I've been letting GOD's sunshine in thinking about GOD being all light and in him there is no darkness. He not only forgives us of our sins he forgets they ever exsisted and he turns their darkness into light. Also "all things work together for good for those who Love GOD" even our sins works for good.
It is the way he is, my problem I don't live what is. I live to whatever thoughts plauge my pea brain.
Satan desires to tear down my life with past sins. GOD says I will make them light and in light there is no evil.
ted live in the light,live enjoying the freedom of being thouroughly loved, accepted see the who you are in me.
Every once in a while we hear of an animal who adopts itself to a totally different animal and thinks it is that other species. I have to see that I am a new creation belonging to Christ. Do you think we will ever see the end of who we are in Christ?
I don't see how!
I feel like I know who ted is by how I know who my GOD is. In the process I feel safer to trust myself for I see how much GOD is a part of me, more known, more loved and easier to trust GOD with who I am and my life.
And in return so contented to trust ted.

Go Back Living Loved

2009-06-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

It's the morning after the great Chinese buffet pig out, And oooooooh I'm feeling it, I ate way too many carb's for my diabetes and now I'm in carb headache land.
Make sure your sins will find you out, seems to be taking center stage.
Yesterday I was recovering from doing too much physical work the day before and today I'm recovering from the yesterday pig out.
During both incidents GOD had made it known I was out of sync with him, but I pushed him aside because I knew best and to accomplish my predetermined goals for the obvious good it will bestow. Wana bet?
Since when is ted's ways better than GOD's ways?
You can imagine right now I wish I had walked with him rather than apart.
Regrets go clear back to the beginning of time, with Adam and Eve casted out of the garden, even old evil lucifer will spend eternity in hell in the end.
A friend of mine was mentioning that life is made up of choices. Whether they are good or bad will dictate the amount sorrow or happiness that comes to your life.
Are ya following or leading?
If you are leading you trust in your self. If you are following you are trusting in GOD knowing best.
I've paid incredible dumb tax in my life. And yet my father hasn't rejected me.
Like the father of the prodigal son , GOD will love me no less because of my bad decisions. ted I will not condemn you, come on back home again. And so I do, currently paying the price for lousy decisions? you bet. Yet also sorrowful for the time I missed out being with him while I was doing my own thing.
When I walk up the steps of home to him. I get to go back living loved.
I remember a discussion I had with my brother in law years ago when they were raising their toddlers. He bemoaning the innumerable times he had to correct his children over the same offense. it was driving him nuts. How come they just can't get it?
Isn't GOD's mercy and love incredible, getting to go back living loved?

Life Together

2009-06-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

The grey soft fog and overcast skies soften the morning as I silently sit here with my Father in Heaven. So much to be grateful for, so in silence I just sit silent grateful.
I don't need words or lists , I just enjoy grateful and his heart for this moment.
Treasuring GOD, loving him, enjoying how much he treasures me, my spirit rests so contentedly in our moment.
IT is spring time, nature is growing like crazy, new leaves sprouting their own new color codgers up ones need to tend to new life.
My sweet wife is frying up some eggs and I think back to the many places I have had memorable breakfasts.
I recall being out in the sand in a desert farming village in Mexico. No furniture, no running water, no electricity, 50 miles to the nearest paved road. Breakfast cooked over an open fire.
I remember the morning light and the village waking up and moving toward the duties of the day.
A different world in some respect but not as much as you would think. Husbands still kissed their wives and children goodbye as they headed out for work. Laundry had to be done and dishes washed. But in this village there was a family connection. You could feel the connectedness of belonging being a part of all the rhythm of life that made up the village.
This is the way GOD intended "church" to be , the inclusion of himself in our lives as together we live out our every days. There is a rumbling in me that says , lets get GOD out of the church building and into our homes. Not with programs but in simple genuine enjoyment of him with each other and with our children. Let's drop the structure of meetings and watch GODs spirit move naturally like we live life.
Jesus didn't come to set up meetings and programs he came with his spirit so that we might live life in real time with and with each other.
This doesn't mean we do away with bible studies and worship . What is different is the reason and purpose in what were doing. Our reason is to know GOD relationally more and our purpose is follow after him with ALLLL our heart.
Head knowledge only bible studies, was really what was going on with the pharisees and Sadducee's in Jesus time. In fact if you look at Jesus he didn't come to earth to reform the church structure , he came smack dab for the hearts and everyday lives of the people.
Just as that desert village had a natural way of sharing life together so also GOD desires his children to live in him in love.

Updateroo

2009-06-19T05:42:00.000-07:00

It's been one week since I have written, There seems to be times when thoughts need to to simmer awhile. Thoughts that need an extra measure of life lived to be complete.
Such I hold.
I am happy, I reckon in many ways the happiest I've been in my life. And I credit it to my heart being set free in Christ.
It also doesn't hurt, that physically I haven't felt this good in a year!
I can now work all day, it feeels so good . Thank you Lord.
Yesterday the foundation was poured for the new coffee roasting shop we are building right by our house.
One of my spiritual gifts is being an organizer and the thought of having a place for everything is quite exciting.
I have built AnneBeth new planters and underground watering system for the yard. It was on the "before I kick the bucket list" to get done.
AnneBeth is officially out of school for the summer and will be going to Pelican for the month of July.
I already miss her but in my heart I know GOD has specific reasons why he wants her there.
Well that's all I have from my Lakebegone, just letting ya know I haven't fallen off the globe.
ted

54 YEARS YOUNG!

2009-06-12T06:49:00.000-07:00

It's my birthday! 54 years old, I'm suppose to be a grownup but as my nephews and nieces can attest I aint and thar aint no way I want to be.
Inside me there are multiple ages that pop out at different times, sometimes I'm a :
eight year old flying a kite,
12 years old building forts,playing army,
14 years old ,so those are girls hmmmm,
16 yeras old NOW I KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ALL KNOWING,
18 years old, Watch out world here I come,
25 years old Ahhhh the world didn't want me,
35 years old I'm married and building a house,
and the rest just blurrs.
I reckon I am pretty much a skitzo old geezer who refuses to be bound by age limitations of my mind.
GOD loves the whole of me which includes all the years I lived and He has no problem in showing me that through all the ages He was there for me and to recall them is just a gift twice given.

You think I got it bad you should see my OLDER brother Chris , he jumps on the trampoline with the kids and bulldozes with his grandson with tonka toys.
Come to think of it, maybe it's hereditary and then we can blame it our parents.
I think I'm on to something for my Mom who is 80 something still thinks hes 40 and everybody under 75 are just kids.
HEY, WHAT EVER, IT's MY BIRTHDAY AND I CAN BE ANY AGE I WANT, EXCEPT 54 BECAUSE THAT'S WAY OLD.

Ignore What One Will One Day Not Be

2009-06-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

Try to ignore what will one day not be.
I can get easily fed up with the weaknesses of christianeze.
Fleshy politics that entangle my mind and rob it from the better gifts of life.
I once had a friend that was dieing and when I would go and visit him he made it clear he did not have time for the petty hidden agendas that buzzed around the church.
The same is diffidently true with GOD in fact they don't even phase him. He is who he is and those things aren't worthy of his concern.
Go love, go give, follow where I lead you, what I want you to focus on and that which of this earth will grow dim in the light of my glory and grace.

Ahhhh Barefoot With A Squirt Gun Eating Ice Cream

2009-06-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

I can resist anything but temptation and ice cream.
A few years back it occurred to me that when we get to heaven we won't be able to sin and so I said to my mother we should be good stewards of our time down here and sin.
She asked what I had in mind I suggested we pig out on an ice cream sunday at Dairy Queen.
I remember it was at the end of the school year in High School and I wanted to go barefoot, but they had a" wear shoes " policy, so I took an old pair of tennis shoes and cut the soles off and waaa laaaa I am now legally barefoot.
As you can tell being bad still tempts me and Romans 8 where it says we have GOD's Spirit in us needs to be reinstalled more frequently.
It was here that I saw that our minds should be focused on what the Spirit is doing. Looking to see what GOD is doing right now, what does he want.
This is the way to steer a course away from ice cream, sole less shoes and chasing girls with squirt guns.
"Those who are led by the spirit of GOD are sons of GOD."
"The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."

Shared Spirit of GOD's Delight!

2009-06-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

Children were sitting up front on the floor, the dear folk of his little church had moved to the back allowing relatives to have a front row seat. His sweet wife was there with towels reassuring their daughter who was a little nervous . He did alright getting into the baptistery, even watching his son get in, he had no trouble.
But then it struck him the fulfilment of his heart's dearest desire was taking place. And not only his son but his beautiful daughter as well.
Tears came from his bursting heart of love, gratitude and joy that his children, his family would be together for ever. For ever exploring Heaven, living in the presence of their Heavenly Father.
Words of acceptance of Christ were stated by his children ,he managed to say his part as he baptized each child, yet he was so full of GOD's Spirit how or what he said was overshadowed by the shared spirit of GOD's delight. Everyone could feel it, The place was alive with GOD!
Everyone left with his spirit marking this day as special to Nathan, Amy and their parents.
They also left knowing it was a day of delight to GOD's heart as well.

go dig a ditch!

2009-06-05T06:27:00.000-07:00

I dug a 60 foot trench 9 inches deep in rocky soil. I did it sitting in a chair with a grubnhoe. Now to many that would be a so what, but to me, it was excitement. I haven't been able to work like that in almost a year, I felt young again, for in my youth. I dug a lot of ditches for Dad.
My back is getting better and the pain in my leg has decreased significantly. The sunny weather is invigorating memories of working for Dad putting in lawns and landscaping, it was all that character building stuff ya hear people talk so fondly about when you really wish you were out playing.
My father was a contractor with 7 kids and going out to work was as natural as breathing to him.
I don't recall him complaining, but I do recall him being frustrated over problems in his own (keep it to himself manner).
He has beaten the rest of us to heaven, it's been a number of years now, but I miss him.
Digging my trench, sitting at church, at my moms house in the living room, up in Pelican Alaska and just outside in general brings to life the part of him that I carry in my heart.
I live life apart from my Dad, life without him is not the same, it is more insecure, it seems wrong in a sort of subconscious way. However, who he was is still in me, and I hold that as a treasured gift.
The giver of all good gifts left us himself, and there will come a day that all we hold in part in our heart will be fulfilled in front of us.
Until then he gives us memories and his spirit that keeps our hearts connected to those we love, and he cherishes.
So go dig a ditch in memory lane because you can!!!!

nephew and niece baptism

2009-06-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Nathan and Amy
Wow, wow and zowwwy wow! I am so excited about your baptism.

I love you two and to think my GOD that is so incredibly loving to me, you will have as well is just Zowwwy wow!
We are going to enjoy HIM and all the wonders of heaven together, we are going to laugh and explore and in awe, worship our heavenly King of Kings.

You will never have regret over the choice of accepting HIM.
At the end of your life when you stand before him face to face nothing you have done for him will seem enough, all the long trials and sacrifice , when you see those eyes of love and every part of you is at home to be thoroughly loved and to love ,this joy is beyond what we can only imagine.
For now since you two hold such an incredible gift within you. Follow his spirit within you, live in the relationship, enjoy Him, trust Him.

The excitement of following Christ is seeing and doing the things, he wants you to do. He is the most clever GOD, and he gets a kick out of so many things. You just got to look and see what he's up to.

So each morning when you wake up with him, just you and him talk. He loves to be with you, it's not everyone who has their very own Aslan in their bedroom.

And when you go downstairs for breakfast and out the door for school talk to him share your day, and you will have an extraordinary life.

Don't just read your bible but share it with him, listen to what he tells your heart. Stay hid inside him and he will shine out of you .

You are already so successful not because of what you have done, but you have all that Christ has done in who you are. Now that's way bigger than a bread box!

Because of Jesus, you are clean of all sin you have ever and will ever commit , which means for as long as you live your Father in Heaven will always be excited to love you and never condemn you. To help us down here. His spirit will lead us and show us the way to go as we let him.
Well there you be, my heart for you. My heaven is brighter now, my Father in Heaven is shinier because we share HIM together.

My joy is thanking GOD for you and being able to ask that he bless you two with all that he is.

And to say I love you two.
Your uncle teddy bear

Words of life from our soul

2009-06-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Most people go through their entire lives never speaking words to another human being that came out of what is the deepest in them, and most people never hear words that reach all the way into the deep place we call the soul.
We almost never hear words that stir life within us, that pour hope into those empty spaces deep inside filled only with fear and frustration.
We rarely hear words that draw our soul into the soul of another human being and, together, into GOD.
..........................................................................................................................................................

Above was a quote from Larry Crabb one of my favorite authors.

I have a niece that is graduating from High School and tradition states we give her a gift.
I'm not opposed to giving her a gift, in fact I am delighted to, but my hearts desire is to give not a cheap gift, but a gift that is symbolic of what she means to me, how I want her to have a fulfilled life in Christ and tell her all the ways I have been blessed by GOD by her life.

When I was graduating from high school all I wanted was 10 bucks for a tank of gas.

I'm sure she too is exited about that is around the corner , I guess I wanted to explain to her how I love her so much.

Don't put off today what you will regret tomorrow.

Hope

2009-06-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

C.S. Lewis said you can only hope for that which you desire.

At age 9 there is nothing bigger in life than the next adventure. I loved to play, I still do but it has taken a different form. Back then it was all the imaginary games like army, pirates, cowboy and Indians.
Christmas was coming and at the Thriftway supermarket of my town they had a shelf above the door that held presents parents could buy for their kids.
It was there I saw the fulfillment of all life's pleasures. It was a Jungle Jim Rifle set.
IT was so cool a plastic rifle that shot caps and had a scope with different colored lenses you could flip down. There was a plastic canteen and a plastic belt. And it was a big present in a big box.
And I dreamed and desired. Just to go down at the store and look at it sitting there was a treat.
But I thought it was too big a dream to come true so I tried to suppress my desire.
But it was everywhere I went. I was shooting that rifle taking down lions that were attacking and bad guys all over the place .
If only I had it for real. I would certainly be respected as being ultra cool. Like DUH how could I not be?
Well, that Christmas I got it , I can't imagine how my parents afforded it, but there it was in my hands what a beauty. Wonders of wonders, miracles of miracles I was a completed 9 year old.

Now I would like to say that the rifle was so cool I never desired or hoped for anything else.
But you know better, by the end of the first day I do recall something breaking on it and sure enough the toy dissolved into broken toy land.
There has been one gift that has never, ever lost it's wonder, it sits not on a top shelf of a grocery store but inside me. The gift opening will last eternity, it will be the fulfillment of every type of desire and then more.
Broken toy land does not exists there, only invitation to come. The cool thing is the gift opening has already begun ,,,,,it is of course Christ in me (my hope) (My Glory)(My unbreakable) (My ever new) (My Father in Heaven).
Who he is , is my desire. Who he is, is my hope.

Come see, see if I won't open the windows of heaven to show all I have for you in me!

What and Who to Be..Me, Me, Me in He, He, He!

2009-06-01T07:05:00.000-07:00

Trying to decide what and who to be,
I could never see the me GOD had for me.

Stumbling, searching, seeing not the forest for the trees,
I completely couldn't see me.

Until I let the only one who knows, show me,
The me I couldn't see.

For it is in him I find the real me,
an unfolding mystery smack dab in the heart
of the one who created me.

me, me, me, me, in He, He, He, is where I found me.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I have had a long quest for significance, where do I fit in? What and who am I?
My wrong thinking was I would find the answer by looking into myself.
How short sighted I am, We are so much more a part of GOD then when could ever imagine.
He limited our knowledge of this fact so we could choose him of our own free will.
If our thinking of who we are and our significance is just about ourselves, what a bum deal.
We know our weaknesses we know our past failures, if people saw those when they met us we would live in holes in the ground.
But when we realize our value is directly connected to GOD and how we were a part of his heart from before we were born and every moment he is with us, the sum of that whole is huge.

The more you look in him the more you will find the lost self of you , you always wondered about.

A Pastor's Prayer

2009-05-31T06:09:00.000-07:00

On a sky canvas of light blue , GOD stroked long white clouds for this morning.
A chapter ,,,,ending Sunday ,,for our retiring Pastor.

To him I would imagine way too long in coming in some ways
and way too fast in others. Our Pastor, arrives at the church.

He will go and open doors, test the mikes, make sure communion items are ready.
He will sit in his chair, and go over who will be doing what for the service.
And every small thing will be magnified as if it was being printed in his mind never to be forgotten.

Time regards not the significance and soon people come with the small talk and he ducks away to pray to his Heavenly Father who is and has been every sense of faithful all these Sunday mornings.
Amen he walks out the study door with his ink to writes on the hearts of his sheep for the last time of this chapter.

Looking out at his flock he is stirred deep, these dear ones,, so loved by his Father he desires so much all that GOD has for them.

He prays
"Lord show them your face, Show them , that to you, because of your son they are perfect, beautiful .

Father may they see that they are sinless to you because you love and see them through your son's shed blood.
Lord may they see how each is your treasured joy
how each precious person here was a part of your heart and plan before you put the first star in place.

Jesus with all my heart thank you for because of your love my sheep one day will know in full all my heart yearns for them for.

Jesus for all these years thank you, Thank you for your spirit that has kept and loved us. Thank you for communion time where we worshipped you.
Now Lord I am ready my heart is set in you, Your next assignment awaits me, but always I will carry and be here too.

Lord in all you be glorified today! and thank you Amen

Prayer

Jesus it will take eternity to celebrate your gift of the cross, it will take eternity to understand all it means.
It will be eternity with you.
Father we give our lives to you. May we see ourselves the way you see us, loved , fully known and perfectly accepted because of your son. Amen

Desiring and Doing

2009-05-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

Desiring and doing meet on the road of today,
the hot midday dust of tomorrow wears already in my heart.
It’s time to take a hold of another part of myself that previously hasn’t held on.
I have it not in myself,
the walk only he can lead,
if I but follow.
Looking back brings no hope,
so I settle on He who is hope ,
to guard and shore up the sand of who I am , with the rock of Himself.

I go to trust, to lean, to live out a truth and that is so weak and vapor thin, half a wisp vanishes it.
But it is here now in my hand the butterfly of this road.
I trust him to stay, and be apart of me of my desire.

Sons of Valor

2009-05-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

Heaven's Sons of Valor will be there, clad in armor of Christ's brilliant righteousness.
With the same blood of courage, fearless we will rumble the ground of heaven.
In honor as men who knows the value of Valor we will sing strong, brave, sinless
and awestruck of our own participation in him.
II SAM 2:7
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Half Minded

Half minded dumbskull is what we be, living apart from the King.
Half minded, self minded, now we're a third minded numskull.
Flip flapping christian words apart from Him is not the same as
being with him. Apart is apart.
Shared minded with his spirit is the balance which brings peace to your heart.
Remember we are to minister to GOD.
We do this by obedience to what we know and am shown what is right in real time with him.
In return we will see it is far more for you from him than you could ever do for yourself.

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Hush your Heart

2009-05-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

The Ancient of times sings of his love for me.

All of my promises I cover you.
See they are in you deep never to be snatched.
For I love my dear one.

Hush your heart it is safe in my spirit.

Hushed in holiness his music covers me.
I give him my heart to live.

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Rest In His Will

To rest in his will, that I see for today.
What peace and permission.
Living free of tomorrows fears.
and enjoy his chosen way.

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The Audience of GOD

The Audience of GOD
Is the one place I am totally me.
Free from pushifications and cleverness.
I am just me!
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Bar Tender Missionary

Bar tender missionary is what I ought to be,
not pouring drinks of myself,not asked of me.

Wait for the order,the drink of their request,
so the Father's spirit can accurately bless.

Bar tender missionary is what I ought to be,
the type that listens to customer needs,
instead of my glorious past deeds.

Bar tender missionary is what I ought to be,
to follow the lead of the shepherd,
and the light and life he brings.

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Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

2009-05-26T07:29:00.000-07:00

My Memorial weekend thought I enjoyed from an email I was sent.

TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
Interesting facts about the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and the Sentinels of the Third United States Infantry Regiment "Old Guard"
Q: How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?
A: 21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
Q: How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why?
A: 21 seconds, for the same reason as answer number 1.
Q: Why are his gloves wet?
A: His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.
Q: Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time, and if not, why not?
A: No, he carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.
Q: How often are the guards changed?
A: Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
Q: What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
A: For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10" and 6' 2" tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30".
Other requirements of the Guard:
They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. They cannot swear in public FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES and cannot disgrace the uniform {fighting} or the tomb in any way.
After TWO YEARS, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin.
The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt. There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.
The first SIX MONTHS of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone, nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are: President Taft, Joe E. Lewis {the boxer} and Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, {the most decorated soldier of WWII} of Hollywood fame. Every guard spends FIVE HOURS A DAY getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.
The Sentinels Creed:
My dedication to this sacred duty is total and wholehearted. In the responsibility bestowed on me never will I falter. And with dignity and perseverance my standard will remain perfection. Through the years of diligence and praise and the discomfort of the elements, I will walk my tour in humble reverence to the best of my ability. It is he who commands the respect I protect. His bravery that made us so proud. Surrounded by well meaning crowds by day alone in the thoughtful peace of night, this soldier will in honored glory rest under my eternal vigilance.
More Interesting facts about the Tomb of the Unknowns itself:
The marble for the Tomb of the Unknowns was furnished by the Vermont Marble Company of Danby, Vt. The marble is the finest and whitest of American marble, quarried from the Yule Marble Quarry located near Marble, Colorado and is called Yule Marble. The Marble for the Lincoln memorial and other famous buildings was also quarried there.
The Tomb consists of seven pieces of rectangular marble: Four pieces in sub base; weight Â- 15 tons;
One piece in base or plinth; weight Â- 16 tons;
One piece in die; weight Â- 36 tons;
One piece in cap; weight Â- 12 tons;
Carved on the East side (the front of the Tomb, which faces Washington, D.C.) is a composite of three figures, commemorative of the spirit of the Allies of World War I.
In the center of the panel stands Victory (female).
On the right side, a male figure symbolizes Valor.
On the left side stands Peace, with her palm branch to reward the devotion and sacrifice that went with courage to make the cause of righteousness triumphant.
The north and south sides are divided into three panels by Doric pilasters. In each panel is an inverted wreath.
On the west, or rear, panel (facing the Amphitheater) is inscribed:
HERE RESTS IN HONORED GLORY AN AMERICAN SOLDIER KNOWN BUT TO GOD
(Interesting Commentary)
The Third Infantry Regiment at Fort Myer has the responsibility for providing ceremonial units and honor guards for state occasions, White House social functions, public celebrations and interments at Arlington National Cemetery and standing a very formal sentry watch at the Tomb of the Unknowns.
The public is familiar with the precision of what is called "walking post" at the Tomb. There are roped off galleries where visitors can form to observe the troopers and their measured step and almost mechanically, silent rifle shoulder changes. They are relieved every hour in a very formal drill that has to be seen to be believed.
Some people think that when the Cemetery is closed to the public in the evening that this show stops. First, to the men who are dedicated to this work, it is no show. It is a "charge of honor." The formality and precision continues uninterrupted all night. During the nighttime, the drill of relief and the measured step of the on-duty sentry remain unchanged from the daylight hours. To these men, these special men, the continuity of this post is the key to the honor and respect shown to these honored dead, symbolic of all unaccounted for American combat dead. The steady rhythmic step in rain, sleet, snow, hail, heat and cold must be uninterrupted. Uninterrupted is the important part of the honor shown.
Recently, while you were sleeping, the teeth of hurricane Isabel came through this area and tore hell out of everything. We had thousands of trees down, power outages, traffic signals out, roads filled with downed limbs and "gear adrift" debris. We had flooding and the place looked like it had been the impact area of an off-shore bombardment.
The Regimental Commander of the U.S. Third Infantry sent word to the nighttime Sentry Detail to secure the post and seek shelter from the high winds, to ensure their personal safety.
THEY DISOBEYED THE ORDER!
During winds that turned over vehicles and turned debris into projectiles, the measured step continued. One fellow said "I've got buddies getting shot at in Iraq who would kick my butt if word got to them that we let them down. I sure have no intention of spending my Army career being known as the idiot who couldn't stand a little light breeze and shirked his duty." Then he said something in response to a female reporters question regarding silly purposeless personal risk... "I wouldn't expect you to understand. It's an enlisted man's thing." God bless the rascal... In a time in our nation's history when spin and total b.s. seem to have become the accepted coin-of-the-realm, there beat hearts - the enlisted hearts we all knew and were so proud to be a part of - that fully understand that devotion to duty is not a part-time occupation. While we slept, we were represented by fine men who fully understood their post orders and proudly went about their assigned responsibilities unseen, unrecognized and in the finest tradition of the American Enlisted Man. Folks, there's hope. The spirit that George S. Patton, Arliegh Burke and Jimmy Doolittle left us ... survives.
On the ABC evening news, it was reported recently that, because of the dangers from Hurricane Isabel approaching Washington, DC, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They refused. "No way, Sir!"
Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment; it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a service person. The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.
Very, very proud of our soldiers in uniform

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To live for something larger than myself. To value life and the creator of it.

To hold and live in gratefulness instead flying by it with highway speed.

There is an account where a battle ship was sinking and the 3 or 4 Chaplains were scrambling trying to help the soldiers when they realized there were not enough life jackets for all the men.

The 4 Chaplain's gave their life jackets to the next 4 men they met. Knowing full well it meant their death.

The Chaplain's held each other as they drowned in the oily sea.

"Greater Love has no man that he lay down his life for another."

These Chaplain's knew they were going home to heaven and they wanted to allow 4 men the opportunity to do the same.

Sunshine, barbecues, camping at the beach, a day off work. That's fine, but along with it, how about a few moments of grateful prayers for the price paid both on the battle field and on the cross.

Devotion to duty is not a part time occupation.

Come see It is I !!

2009-05-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

Come sit and see it is I.
How I care, I laugh, How I handle the serious stuff.

Come see it is I.
How deep is my love and powerful my courage.
For it is I, who make Lions bold.

It is I, who cracks up in laughter making Giraffes necks so long and
rat fish so ugly.

It is I, that gave you the mind you have to build tree houses and catch pollywog's in the spring.
And it is I who nudged your Grandpa to give you his jack knife.
It is I who brought that wisp of air to lift your kite to the sky.

Tell me was it not I, who turned that Norwegian girl's eye your way?
And now after all these years blesses you every day.

It is I, that gave you the man of your father and the love of your mother.

It was your Father in Heaven I, who was there for your tears, and carried you through all these years.

It is I, this day, this moment for you, always.

Toolbox Of Truths

2009-05-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

Here is a collection of truths I picked up along the way from various sources and my own experience.

TOOLBOX OF TRUTHS

We were designed to live for others and not just for self.

To trust in him and not our self .

I have nothing to prove, nothing to loose. My worth is in Christ.

I can take risks of his design.

I will never leave you or reject you.

I will always love you.

Young people can do a lot, if they are allowed to.

GOD sometimes gives himself without the help of man.

It was his death not his strength that his kingdom was established.

My broken places are my life places .

Truths that I learned in the dark , was when I stood still enough to hear his whisper of life.

To see his authority, and receive from him his encouragement,to see that regardless of life's circumstances, he is able.

GOD will bring people to you to help.

A man will do the opposite of what he feels like doing.

Trust GOD to take care of people you care so deeply for.

The less choices you make a part from GOD the less fear you will have about the future.

GOD is in all that touches you.

GOD enjoys fishing, hiking, go karts, presents, great food, laughing.

GOD is as close as you want him to be.

The more you look at who you are in Christ the more you will find out about yourself.

GOD delights in the small things of your everyday.

In order to trust, you have to trust. Faith is taking a sure bet risk.

GOD is GOD, not some genie or imaginary friend. Seeing that he is boss is the beginning of being wise.

Somethings you will not know until heaven. But GOD has not left you comfortless.

when it comes to loving someone, open rebuke is better than not knowing.

GOD created me in his mind before he ever created the earth.

GOD knows me better than I know myself.

GOD never calls me a failure.

We are always given the choice to forgive or live with bitterness.

Be aware of unbroken intellect in your life.

To see my strength as weakness and use GODs strength is what it is, to be a man.

GOD reassures us that we are known, loved, and we can endure, more than gives specific directions to our circumstances. It's a part, of us, following by faith the Shepherd.

Happiness is on his terms, in him, not on my own. To not relieve my own unhappiness but go to Christ and drink deep from the happiness in him.

Beware of the pride of social smoothness.

To call out life and beauty in others.

I want my life story, to read in spite of all my failures, fears, confusions, trials, I trusted GOD,

Not so super villian, Ughly Man

2009-05-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

I suspect every one has a situation that tends to brings out the sinful side. For me it's driving in congested traffic. I shock myself in how quickly I can become ugly. Yesterday the Friday before Memorial weekend and here I am in Tacoma, this is the third session of bumper to bumper traffic and it is only 1 PM .
People are cutting in and just being stupid and I feel my temperature rising. After informing the latest driver that he is a Bozo, something I'm sure came as no surprise to him.
I look and lying in the passenger seat next to me asleep is both of our 2 small dogs. Gracie raises one eye because I'm expounding my intimate expressions, but Ruthie just sleeps.
The scene reminds me of what my mom once said, "I would be a pretty nice person if it wasn't for you kids."

I figure if I am this ugly, I have used up all of my goodness, so I say "your patience Lord, your Love".

And instantly chariots of fire clear a path for me and I am escorted by beautiful angels.
OK so maybe it doesn't go quite that way, but what does take place is I draw from GOD's ability, his patience, his love. And if my attitude is really ugly I start thanking GOD for all my blessingss.
Sounds like a formula, oh it is , GOD so desires us to use him and live in him.

Pondering the fragrance of GOD

2009-05-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

It is said that 70% of what you taste is by what you smell. I don't know if that is true for I love ice cream and it doesn't have a noticeable fragrance.
I do like those mystery smells that ignite some memory that you can't quite recall, but you know that smell was a part of it.
Farm smells do it for me. Fresh cut grass, or the dusty fragrances of summer. There is the smell of the first rain after a hot summer. And the new smell of spring.
Up in our home in Alaska the muskeg and vegetation give huge bouquets of fragrances.
I have childhood connections with certain smell like carrots pulled from the ground. There's just something about the dirt and carrot combo you can't find in the market.

Truths from GOD are like those smells. It is definitely a part of who he is, but not the whole thing.
They are the foretaste of what will be when we sit at the great wedding banquet table.

Have you ever thought about the fragrance of GOD? Will fragrances have colors as well in heaven?

My wife enjoyed so much a book she read about acceptable sacrifices, did you ever consider our gifts of who we are, a fragrance to GOD, much like the incense is symbolic of our prayers?

I reckon GOD might of called me a little stinker before, but a lot of other people have done that as well.

My earthly father had a distinct fragrance, it wasn't bad , it was him.
My heavenly Father has a distinct fragrance about himself and it is everywhere. Behold the GOD of all fragrances.

Don't Let Daffy Duck Stupid Rob You

2009-05-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

To the one who knows , it's the father.
To others, it's a little bit out there.
But it is, GOD, revealing himself,
and anyone trying to put you down
what GOD has shown himself to be to you,
is Daffy Duck stupid.
GOD reveals himself of his choosing and design.
receive and accept it .
For his gifts will stretch you to mountain top highs
and soul deep seas.
Upon the spirit of his delight, painting sunsets in the skies,
it is his untouched meadows of himself, the gift he gives to you.

Abundantly More Than We Could Ever Imagine

2009-05-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

This single day there was:

fog on the water

baby grizzly bear

beautiful blue skies

seals and sea lions

spin casting for salmon

rock fish contest

The smell of camping and Forrest

still waters

Then in the last 10 minutes of this last day
a 16 year old boy catches a 112 pound halibut

Dad whooping and hollering

Boy grunting reeling in such a large fish

All the "it's huge" comments

then the many dead fish pictures

cleaning the fish, cleaning the boat

Bowl of AnneBeth's great clam chowder
and fresh bread

packing fish

exhausted and grateful

all in one day

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In Alaska I have had some incredible glory unto glory wonderful days.
And what makes them so special is the wonderful friends I have experienced them with.
There is Ken and Joe, George and Jack, Annebeth, Wanda, Sandra. Incredible adventures in pristine enchantingly wild hidden worlds of South East Alaska.
I so wish, I could recall the memories better.
But what does remain is the love and respect for those guys I lived it with.
And the knowledge that these guys will be with me when together we do the big adventures upstairs.
Stay Tuned , Eye has not seen or ear heard all GOD has in store for us upstairs.

I Get To Sit

2009-05-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

I get to sit in joyful delight.
I get to sit and just let time go by.
The clicking of second hand,'
go ahead and click away.
I get to sit and enjoy this moment
this particular way.
La, de, da, de, da,
hummmy,hum, hum, he.
For just this moment it's wasted time for me.

A Time Like Now

2009-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

With no direction of thought
I am with my I AM.

A time to enjoy the ease of mind,
and have not the need to move.

A time for myself and the Spirit of GOD within.

To rest in the still waters of HIM.

Waiting

2009-05-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

9 years old, Christmas Eve afternoon about 4:00. I walk around and around on the rockery that circles the Italian prune tree in the front yard. My sole purpose is to make time go by faster so I can get to open Christmas gifts. The fulfillment of dreams come true.

The power goes out, the house is cold, the food in the freezer is thawing and only cold water. We wait it's day 4 and powerless to change any of it.

Sitting in the back of the classroom next to the radiator by the window, on a May afternoon this Junior Higher is tired of waiting. There are forts to build, fish to catch, adventures to take. He looks at the clock again and groans.

Soo very sick, sitting in a chair too sick to think clearly. The far recesses of my mind remind me, 13 more days until the operation and healing can begin. Until then, I sit between layers of time waiting.

Will I get to see her? Will this be the day? Love fulfilled her declaring she likes me too?

In the dentist chair, body rigid as the drilling and scraping goes on and on, on my teeth.
The reverberating drill sound and the annoyance of gag. It makes time drag forever.

Waiting for test results from the MRI. Thoughts prophesying what life will be like if the prognosis is bad. Half my heart preparing for sorrow, Half my heart hanging onto hope. I wait valuing the moments that I still don't know.

He who orchestrates time knows all too well, us who are subject to it.
He knows the waiting is also the fulfillment as much as the fulfillment.
Look how much is being done while we are waiting to see him face to face.

Pelican Alaska Goodbye

2009-05-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

Quiet warm goodbyes of good people that care,
weave in deep my parting of Pelican by ferry.

Eyes that say I care, you matter, touch the cockles of my heart
on this unusual warm day.

Heading south for home, ancient snow spotted mountains
assure me they will be there when I return.

Distant patches of blue, framed in white clouds
foreshadow adventures to come.

The dark green water slides by and the slight breeze
returns Pelican memories, my heart will never forget.

I look deep into forests of hidden life untouched,
except for the pleasure of it creator.
The sea as well lives to the same dictates of the one who loves.

Looking out over the light green of the river flats,
guarded by seagulls on the shore.
Streams dark with salmon, instinctively know it's
August and time to head home.

Goodbye my dear friend Ken you and your family I always carry in my heart.
We have laughed some wonderful fish aboard,
that has kept us connected while even apart.

Goodbye, board games, guys against the girls.
Dunngie crabs, AnneBeth rolls, along with Joe's latest smoked creation,
tiny veggies from the garden and delectable desserts and more.
Gives plenty of memories to return to these shores.

Goodbye, golf kart rides at sunset or sitting on the deck
watching boats come into town.

Goodbye, heart felt handshakes, and potluck lunches after church.

Goodbye, little town of pelican your soul and feet
boardwalked to the sea.

Goodbye, rhythm and wonder of Pelican, you are carried deep in me.

Broken back snake

2009-05-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

At the foot of Mount Rainer near the town of Mineral out in the toolies lies Pleasant Valley Christian Camp. Once a small sawmill, it was purchased and used as a camp.

In the early years, all they had was big old army tents, and I remember sleeping in a partially refurbished chicken coop.

Now they have all sorts of accommodations complete with a swimming pool.

Camp for me was great, it provided a new audience to ply all my shenanigans on, and I was quite skillful in acting stupid right up to the point of getting kicked out.

It was at this particular time when the adult population was losing their sense of cherishing me that broken back snake saved my hide.

At camp, there was a dandy stream that even sported very small trout and being I was, way, past done doing little group activities, I decided to explore the downstream regions of this fine stream.

Now every kid knows the further you go the better the adventure gets, and I had gone a considerable distance when I came across a fellow camper sitting on a rock looking completely bummed out.

His name was Norman I think, he had a flat liner personality, and so he didn't fit in all that well with the other campers. In fact, he had been trying for two days to get the adults to let him go home.

But this was in the old days where kids didn't get sent home, in fact, I'm not sure they even had a telephone at the camp.

Regardless Norman had traveled the way of the stream to find his place to be miserable, when I stumbled upon him.

After talking to him and hearing his story, I tried to cheer him up. I showed him a Gardner snake with a broken back I'd found and was carrying in my pocket to use later at a more opportune occasion.

Norman gave the snake a different value, he was fascinated in having a pet, and it being a snake was way cool to him.

I told him all sorts of snake stories, and he ate it up. To me a broken back snake was not good for anything but a prank on girls. But to Norman it was a gift from GOD sent from heaven above.{city kids are a little different}

So I gave it to him, and he had the time of his life with his new snake.

We wandered back to camp, and as we got closer we met the adults who had come looking for us.

With a considerable amount of embellishment of the truth, I convinced them, I knew of their concern for Norman and went to find him.

They could see Norman's spirits were high, and they praised me for helping him out.

I down played it and certainly didn't reveal the huge role Broken Back Snake had in Norman's new found happiness.

Norman did great the rest of the week, and I didn't get kicked out, just warned several times.

The snake was worthless to me, but made all the difference to Norman.

We serve a GOD that specializes in taking the things that are not and using them greatly.

So maybe there is hope for me, because I am the one with the broken back now.

New Dreams

2009-05-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

There is nothing more rotten than working, pouring concrete. I was about 16 or 17 and Dad had to put in exposed aggregate sidewalks for a whole development before the bank would give him more money. Therefore brother Chris and I poured concrete and set forms everyday for a whole summer. To this day the feel of scraping form boards and digging foundations with pick and shovel hold no love for me.
What made things worst was Dad couldn't pay us anything until the end of summer.
What kept me going day after day was my dream to have my own motorcycle.
The one I wanted was an enduro 250 which was a 1/2 off road 1/2 street bike.
I had already put thousands of miles on the bike with my imagination. In fact on the way home from church sitting in the back of the old station wagon I would imagine myself flying along on my bike.
The day finally came when we got paid, I had located a bike in Seattle to buy.
I asked Dad for a ride to the ferry dock and on the way he asked what was I going to do in Seattle? so I told him about the bike and he said No.
My heart died a million deaths how could a person be so incredibly mean and uncaring?
Fine I said as I got out of the car and ran down the dock ramp to the boat. I'll show you.
And for the next 3 days I spent all my summers money foolishly.
At the end I had a few new clothes for school a watch I bought at a pawn shop and some fun memories of living high on the hog. But my bike dream died.

It would be more years of dead dreams before I would discover that GOD has dreams for me of his design, and it isn't until I let my dreams die that I would have eyes to see his.
ted in my word I have said over and over I am your inheritance, can you now see that the word inheritance can be changed to dream? In me are a zillion motorcycle size dreams come true and my off road adventures stretches to the end of eternity.

Toby and Susie Cupcake

2009-05-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

Every Summer for the last couple years I would write a story for the one or two young teens that attended church. I happened to find a copy of such a story and throw it in for fun.

Toby Listened From a hidden position outside the city hall window.
For there was no way a room full of State patrol Officers would let a fourteen year old teenager in on rescuing the beautiful Susie cupcake. Who was Toby’s true love being held hostage by 3 bad, gnarly dudes in the last house up past Tom and Minnie’s.
Toby listened as they made plans for an all side’s assault including launching shells from a homeland security boats. But for now they had to wait until a sergeant flew in from Juneau and the fog was thick.
Stuffed shirts and biggy wiggys, Toby thought, by the time they get their act together his beautiful Susie Cupcake will be shot and the Bad guys gone.
Not to mention the mess they will leave in the house, and Toby knew all too well the woman who lived there and she don’t cotton to messy bad guys.
Well, Toby said to himself, if it’s got to be done and done right leave it Toby . This he thought as he crawled away from the city Hall fiasco.
Toby made his way to his secret fort where he opened the padlock to an old army foot locker that held his arsenal of needed equipment.
For this mission he would need 3 smoke bombs, 6 sets of 15 firecrackers, 39 bottle rockets taped into sets of 5 and 6 seal bombs. A package of small birthday candles, roll of duct tape,mcgyver knife and a lighter, crammed into his camouflaged ruck sack completed his ensembo.
Jumping on his four wheeler Toby took off to collect some improvised equipment.
First stop the school where he picked up 2 portable tape recorders. Next to Wanda’s clothes line where he grabbed a black shirt and pants that belonged to George.
And last to the fire station where he picked up 2 bull horns.
With all the equipment he needed he went to the telephone booth at the head of the ramp to change .
Into his black ninja outfit thanks to George, it was a little wet and with the help with duct tape he managed to rig them to stay on.
Next to his 4 wheeler where he got a hand full of grease and then to the bathroom at the top of the ramp where he applied the grease to his face.
On the mirror he mapped out his plan of attack.
Sure the bathroom was a greasy mess but he knew Duffy harbor master elite and custodian of the chamber pot would forgive the mess, recognizing that it was all for the good of saving Susie cupcake of pelican.
With plan in mind Toby takes and prepares his arsenal taking the small birthday candles he strips the bottom half of the wax off leaving the wick where he attaches fuses of the fireworks and bottle rockets. Next he yells cop commands onto the tape recorders and last he tapes the triggers of the bull horn to the on position.
Mission ready he takes off.
His first obstacle was the road blocked by the Alaska staters up by the new fuel tanks.
Popping the 4 wheeler in a spin Toby heads back down the hill, goes up past the church past Ken’s and Royce’s and sneaks down the path of the brother’s house.
No one knew this terrain better than Toby he grew up on these bear trails and now even in this dense fog he knew exactly where he was.
On his belly wiggling through fresh bear scat the targeted house now in view.
Toby makes his way to the house setting his explosives, knowing and expecting that at any moment bullets may be flying his way.
Around the house he went trying each window for an entry.
At last lady luck smiled on him as his last window, a bathroom window opened.
Not only was it opened but he could see his heart beat of passion Susie Cupcake gagged and tied to a chair in the living room.
“Those creeps,” Toby thought they are going to pay big time for hurting my Susie cupcake.
And with anger of impending justice and courage of all brave men who have fought before Toby restrains himself.
Checking his watch 3 seconds to detonation, lighting the 3 smoke bombs on short fuses he chucks them to three sides of the house.
And as expected the fire crackers and bottle rockets go off.
He could hear the bad guys breaking the kitchen windows and shooting at their imagined threat.
Toby hoped they wouldn’t hit the tape recorders shouting orders through the bullhorns.
In the midst of this mayhem, holding MacGyver knife in mouth thinking I’m coming Susie cupcake, I’m coming.
Toby opens the bathroom window and dives through head first.
Now even the best of plans has their glitches.
So maybe he hadn’t planned that the bathroom toilette was right under the bathroom window and that the toilette seat was up when he dove head first.
Or that bear scat he was covered with made it extremely difficult to get out.
All I can tell you was,instantly the bad guys were gone, Susie cupcake was gone.
But MOM wasn’t. Instead of a grateful Susie He got the mom with the voice of an angel of death.
What in the blazes are you doing? Get out of that toilette and look what you have done to my freshly painted bathroom, bear scat everywhere.
The house stinks like smoke bombs the dogs is under our bed and your fireworks have caught the fire wood pile on fire and what are you wearing?
All I can say is you better run before I catch you.
So our dejected hero ran for his life. Heading to the garbage dump he thought, this is appropriate I feel in dumps, so I might as well be in one.
Sitting on stump that overlooks the dump, Toby said to GOD” Well here I am, in deep scat once again and like usual there’s no one to help but you.
I never much thought about it GOD, but what if I didn’t have you?
I would be worst off, then I already am,
My friends say I’m weird. They see my goody 2 shoes, do the right thing, be a good church boy.
But hey I’ll take being weird, if I can have you.
They don’t see that it’s more than singing songs, nice people, and good chow after church.
What my friends don’t see is that I have you in me.
And it’s time like this that I really need you.
Our friendship the 2 of us.
GOD you are real, not churchy like they think.
No you make the difference in who I am
The difference that makes us weird.
Hey GOD I think I just called you weird and it’s all right
Besides it’s not like there’s a lot of guys who would hang around a guy dressed in George’s clothes
Held on with duct tape and covered with grease and bear scat.
But you do and you always do.
We may be weird GOD but I’m sticking with you!
Besides Have I told you I love you
I love you for me loving me
And do you think you can do something about me and mom and the mess I made at the house,
no offense but I feel I’m too young to go to Heaven quite yet. If you know what I mean.

8 years old

2009-05-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

On my back on the grassy bank of the pond I stare at the white clouds in the blue sky. No pending thoughts for I am 8 years old and there are years before I need to be home for dinner.
Shirt and Shoeless I feel the prickles of the grass and the moisture of the earth as I live beyond myself to my imagination in the sky.
In typical youth abandonment to the moment I stretch my arms wide and imagine I can see the whole earth turning with me on it.
I need nothing else in my mind for I am 8 .

I am now fifty something and only in Christ can I find 8 year old
abandonment to be only what I am this moment without any strings attached.

Who said you have to carry all your carrying?
You told yourself to bolster your self-made importance, you told yourself it was your job.
The motive behind it you justified with nobody cares like you do.
Your reason was for your own pleasure of significance.
Now the burden has worn you out.
When was the last time you felt 8 years old?
I have a lifetime of 8 year old enjoyment planned for you.
Trust me to handle what you deem as important, see if I am not totally able.
Now you, you take my cue when you must act fifty something and when you can be 8 years old.

“Cast your cares on me for I care for you”

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Laid low how low?
Lower than whale poop.
When I have nothing left but GOD, then for the first time, I realize that he is enough. Then I realized he is more than I could ever imagined, and I saw that he gave it to me, for he put me in himself.
I marvel that I can carry HIM who is not hurry, in my hurriedness of life.
To live with a quietness of heart on the inside while the zig zag of life flies around my head like flies.
The heart of who he is, is larger than mine, he makes room for weaknesses I cannot, his mercy is alive and is full of love and light and life.

“Jesus went often alone into the wilderness to pray”

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To him who knows
My house in Pelican Alaska sets away from the view of the busyness of the harbor. We can peek and see a little bit of the water and the snow clad mountains. And the occasional eagle flies by and often the caw of a raven can be heard or a chirp of a chipmunk. But the house is cut off from the rush of Pelican town. There are those who would feel sorry for us not being on the waterfront where we could see more. But the lord knew what we needed. He knew I didn’t need more hurriedness, I needed more of him. Thank you Lord for hemming me in so I could see more of you.

Entrust all who you are, even that which you don’t know is you and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways give him who you are and he will show you “your way in him”

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Gracie is my dog ½ poodle ½ spaniel she has one job and that is to observe everything that happens. Since she doesn’t talk she has fewer distractions from herself to do her job.
She watches every little thing that happens, hears faint little sounds and will let us know about them.
She is the picture of the vigilant GOD toward us, our front and rear guard our alpha and omega. He is, so we don’t have to be.
It is the unlearned art of being a dumb but cherished lamb that doesn’t have to lead but follow. Attentive is the way we should be toward HIM.

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Trust GOD who is at work, I used to think GOD needed my help to be holy.
There is not any good in ted by ted of ted so why not stopnsave myself agony and let GOD be GOD and do his work in me.
Have you ever noticed that he who drives the car cannot enjoy the scenery along the way. Let go Let GOD and you will see what you have missed for so long.
GOD’s expectation is in himself not in me.

Assorted Thoughts

2009-05-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

Evangelism is the fun of sharing the most wonderful of wonderfuls to another person.
There are those who share HIM through the way of the head and there are those HIM through the way of the heart and both are of HIM for HIM.

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One of the beautiful gifts GOD has showed me is the incredible world of sounds behind the rush. I call them the under sounds of silence. They orchestrate and paint new vistas with sounds of color I have never saw to see or sat to hear.
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There is a rest in HIM that quietly and tenderly energizes my hurt soul. It allows me to like a child dance and spinning the light of HIMSELF.
IT resurrected a tired dull heart and made it sparkle bright as I listened to bright pop songs of the 60’s&70’s.
Twirling in the light of my father with a mindless delight of just having fun with him is what I look forward to heaven for.
Thank you Lord for the appetizer
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I used to see loss as sorrow
Now I see it as a gift and I am grateful
“And only one came back and thanked him”

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Zeph 3:17 Rest in His LOVE
Where I am sitting the trees in front of me do nothing but grow they respond to life sap within them.

In Him

2009-05-16T07:40:00.000-07:00

I used to think I was destined for greatness.
Now I see that greatness is not in greatness, but in HIM. And he invites me to come and get all of HIM I want. Why would I miss out of the zillion fascinating parts of himself for the lame crud of ted.
Wisdom is living in the little’s of HIM and knowing in your heart it is the big!

Peace, from myself

2009-05-16T07:34:00.000-07:00

I used to run my mind so hard and fast, I crowded Jesus out. Even if it were for him, about him and to HIM, I wanted my speed, of my mind.
Now after a gazillion times of him not obeying me. I realize I make for a lousy GOD, especially to myself. That in him is peace from myself.
So walk in a manner that guards yourself from self. Trust not your own understanding, allow your heart to be directed by HIM.
Responding your heart, your desire, your love, your significance to him, will allow his power, his courage, his love, his wisdom to live through you

Dreams of my own Design

2009-05-16T07:32:00.000-07:00

I used to imagine dreams of my own design.
Now I look to him who is the reality of dreams and marvel at the master of design. And his invitation to live in HIM.

Better than me

2009-05-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I chased after the Christian rules thinking that in them I would find life. Only to find that the right, simpler way was to tend to HIM who can take care of me.
Better than me.

Can it be

2009-05-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Can it be that my trying and imagining is not of GOD’s design?
That what I call character flaws in myself could be in part GOD’s intentions?
For example I think by talking while others think and then talk.
I communicate by emotions because I think and look at life with emotions.
I have no problem seeing how my weaknesses in these areas have taken their toll over my life but to value them when held correctly as an attribute is an interesting rediscovery.

It is finished

2009-05-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

It is finished
When all the moments connect and the last pull of the ribbon is given
The gift is completed by the words it is finished
Pain that robbed all source of comfort
Demanded love to conquer
Evil that tasted gall to the lips
Was the suffering of his death trip
Dark loneliness that no one cared
By jeering remarks and angry stares
Love for the races with its many faces
In spite of the pain he cared
The pain beyond the insane
That only love could slain
It is finished is what he said
For us new life to begin
We will hear those words again
When the final judgment is given
And all of pain and sin is driven
Never to reappear

Treasure in the dark

2009-05-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

From time to time I have come along side those who have been deep in the black night of life. I have had dark nights but there are others who have struggled far more.
I have been asked to explain the dark night trials to those who have not been there. Below is my attempt and my encouragement for light and salvation.
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Treasure in the Dark
Hurt Heart stared at the dying embers caring not that the last of the wood was burning to end.
The dark stone cottage, the cold and the black about him, was the appropriate cloak of his not caring.
Inside Hurt Heart gave his attention into falling deeper into the vortex well of Black.
Black, with soft gentle words of comfort bade him deeper, deeper. The deeper you go more comfort you’ll find. There is incredible freedom from self in free falling, freefall, freefall, freefall you get rest in death. Free from hurt and sorrow from failure from always hurting others. Free from feeling anything, free, free, free-fall all the way, rest in death.
Who really cares? Death is warm and light, it is peace and there are no burdens, it is where you are finally free.
Hurt Heart exhausted of weariness was deep in the well; he could no longer see the top nor cared.
His mind was blurring to its final end, he breathes in what could be the final breath.
But there is one tiny part, one speck in his mind that has to die, the last one until all is done.
The last speck has what’s left of his attention and he laboriously raises one eyebrow to look at it in his mind.
It is a speck of light so distant in his mind he is surprised it even exists,
For what seems like forever Black, layer upon layer has been his comfort, his thoughts, his joy his truth to freedom, peace and love.
Speck who are you?

Why haven’t you left long ago? Can’t you see my love for Black? He has my all.
Curious speck, you are the fly that avoids my swat. and you fear not.
Hurt Heart laughs at the irony that he even desires to contemplate speck as mattering.
So in joy of falling, he falls deeper. But as he falls he notes that speck is still there and changes not in size.
So he stops falling to find out why.
Speck I am amazed that I care about that which I don’t care about.
Why are you the same size? I fell deeper.
And why am I using my last brain cell on you?
Still speck does nothing
Resisting Blacks pull of desire to fall,Hurt Heart tends to specks existence.
Around him all of Blacks comforts surround him. Years of invested heart sorrows are the familiar sofas of his familiar Black.
But why speck?
How can I care about what I don’t care about?
Why does speck care about being here?
It is then that Hurt Heart realizes though not knowing how, that speck has always been there.
So Speck, you are my final cobweb of my final curtain call, I didn’t expect you, but I suppose there has to be a last one.
I give, who are you? What are you?
Again he knows he knowsm yet doesn’t know why he knows, or how he knows why he knows or really what he knows.
His head spinning around some goulash of she sells seashells at the seashore and caring about that which he doesn’t care Hurt Heart slows the fall and thinks,
how can I know that speck knows?
Why does speck care to be with me even though I fall away from him?
There is slight movement in the dark that gets Blacks attention.
It is the heart of Hurt Heart turning slightly to speck.
First surprise, then fear, then anger, grips Black, but he has been here before and is wise enough not to change anything for that will just amplify speck.
Feeding low subliminal words he backgrounds a pleasing falling, falling, falling.
Hurt Heart pushes Speck away but Speck moves not nor changes.
Confusion frustrates Hurt Heart head for justification for falling, embracing Black, was no one cared, and I don’t matter.
Hurt Heart in attempt to see his adversary moves closer to Speck and sees his reflection in Speck.
He moves away but his reflection is always there but changes not in size.
Again Hurt Heart knows he is in Speck and has always been.
Very unsettling Hurt Heart sits on a black sofa to think.
Nice familiar sofa, you I know, so why am I known and have been known. How can I be here and there?
How can Speck exist when in every way I have given my heart to Black?
Black answer me!
Who is S.peck? Why does he care? Why am I in Him? How does he know who I am?
Black answer me
Why is there just darkness and comfort?
Why aren’t there answers?
Hurt Heart turns to Speck and knows who Speck is.
You are, aren’t you?
You are truth not just dark comfort.
I am in you and because of it I mean something to you, In fact I am yours to be loved and care for if I turn to you.
Speck there is nothing of me that is of value.
You are not just a speck of light.
You are the one who created me, and know me and yet you still love me.
I am in you because from you I was created
You are GOD!
You are JESUS!
You are my life, save me!
Suddenly death was swallowed by life.
Darkness by light
Hurt Heart was now Full Heart
And Speck?
Well you know no matter what size,
He is savior, Lord, Healer, Lover, and Life, in him is no darkness.
Speck is the authority of GOD in fullness
And the fullness of Full Hearts life.
For Full Heart darkness became grayness the well of falling faded and in its place.
He that is light became Full Hearts attention.
Black was still around with just faded outline of his dark sofas
But they held no comfort or attention.
What did, was GOD! GODS love, his invitation for Full Heart to look at him,at his love for him.
To be with GOD the father was hope and healing and incredible relief.
Relief that he did not have to run his own life, he got to do only that which GOD desired.
Relief from mind that any time his head was messed up with thoughts, he could place his thoughts back in GOD. His GOD was his father not of confusion but of order.
Full heart easily traded in his hopelessness and chose to look and live in trust that the GOD of light had a plan and purpose his life.
And there was healing, healing he knew was going on in his soul all the time. He could sense that GOD was tending to his deep wounds, healing deep, deep sorrowful wounds of heart.
Full heart delighted spending time alone with GOD. In those times he got to live in happiness, everyday he was discovering new ways GOD was a part of who he was.
GOD was his whole hearts desire, in his presence he would laugh and twirl as a child, enjoying being loved, cherished.
His friends tried but couldn't fully understand him but that was alright for Full Heart lived in real time with he who is truth. His friends were happy he was getting along alright.
To Full Heart everything appeared new, for he saw GOD in all of his creation.
But most of all, he was completely thrilled by GOD the incredible colors of his love, ever changing, ever alive and still Him.
Full Heart was now looking all the time at what GOD wanted to show him. To see what GOD was looking at, smelling, tasting, hearing, feeling, doing.
IN the past he was wondering who he was, now the more he saw GOD the more he knew himself.
Full Heart gave up trying to make something of his life he enjoyed following where GOD took him. His life was not defined by his past.
Since he had so many failures he dropped them and put GODS son robe of righteousness. Jesus said this is my robe of perfect righteousness, perfect success, you may wear it; it is always in you to wear. Full Heart so full of this incredible treasure twirled around in the robe of Christ’s righteousness. This is me? This me? This is you yet it is me? And GOD made known to him it was.
Life for Full Heart was different on the outside his bouts of physical pain and the usual troubles life’s brings was still there. But during these times he shared them with GOD who was there for him in the midst of it.
Full Heart laughingly called it being an air head for GOD. For no longer did he walk or carry life’s everyday burdens alone, he often asked GOD what is it you want me to think right now? And in doing so burden was shifted.
Black was ever vigilant trying to get Full Heart back. He would bring significant people into his life to push his buttons hoping anger would nullify GOD’s light. He would use old tricks trying to convince him he was a failure, looser, nobody respects you. But Full Heart spent time with God, ran to him to see again what he had to say ,had to feel about what was going on. And GOD being truth was love and life.
Held in fascination by GOD of Light now he had identity, purpose, love, success by association, righteousness and joy in spite of life.
He had found a way to escape himself that was so entangled with Black. And found himself and so much more in GOD of Light.
Full Heart had clear sight that the more he abandoned himself into GOD of Light the more he saw himself. This day was the now and to walk the course of this day with GOD of Light no matter how trivial was the center of GOD of light’s desire. All the fullness of purpose and the holiest he could be on the planet.
He grew, in how to live, not by what the eyes saw but by how GOD of light saw him.
Full Heart was amazed how often GOD of light wanted to laugh and delight. He seemed to be always delighting. He could crawl up in GOD of Lights lap with a concern and look at all the ways God of light would care for that concern and how thoroughly he was a part of every part of it. Amazed always amazed how deep fathomlessly deep his love is. Amazed and comforted God of lights peace was full assurance.
Full Heart, full of heart said it this way,”Unsurpassing, indescribable swallowed by life and light of GOD, My GOD!
And all this by the treasure in the dark.

To be a man move in the darkness with His light.

2009-05-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

The blog this morning comes from my working through a book from Larry Crabb called "The Silence Of Adam" that helped me immensely in discovering what is a real man.

Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his GOD. Isaiah 50: 10-11

There is something in a man that takes on the giants that goes into the dark of night with courage.
In Alaska the grizzly bears come around our homes in the middle of the night. They have broken through windows and doors to get what they want.
The job of driving these buggers off falls on my neighbor Ken Wolff who often calls me and we have a great adventure finding the bears and scaring them out of town with special noise making shotgun shells.
This event has it all for a man, it is dark, there is the unknown of where the bear is, danger you could get eaten and the sense of the greater good of protecting the town. And it has the comradely of sharing it with a friend.
Grizzly bear stories allows one to face his own immortality which is built into a man to do. The old I stared death in the face stuff.
To our wives waiting at home for us to return, they're probably thinking who has a bigger dork than I do for a husband. But for us it's a grand adventure of ultimate manhood. grunt, grunt.

Being a man in Christ, life's grizzly size problems have slammed us in the dark.
The black night can stay for a long time, with life altering decisions.
But we men were created to step into the dark, trusting in faith to GOD.
Do I have what it takes as a man to face in the black of night this bear or situation?
These men speak into the darkness with strength from GOD instead of their own physical prowess of control.
They don't have to over power, they walk with he who is power,and they are talking and asking in real time to GOD who is their wisdom.
They can take the incredible confusion of people relationships with their petty, mean actions and speak light into the darkness not because of who they are but because of who GOD is inside them.
True men are men courageous enough to walk in the black of night because they know who they have given their life to.
A GOD who doesn't always explains the reasons why, but has assured us of himself a million times over that he is enough and is able to do far more than we could ever think or imagine.
A man without GOD gets to hate, feel hopeless, lusts, denies. He will choose lust for that way he doesn't have to live in the present.
True men in the dark, admit they don't know what to do and look to GOD and keep looking to GOD, single minded they move through the darkness.
When hunting for bears in the black of night you cannot see but you can hear. The same is true for the black confusion in life, we cannot see a way out, but we still can hear and sense GOD in us, so we move on with purpose following in the black He that has no darkness.
"Walking by faith is being led by GOD with a confidence in a GOD we trust but can never control. Whatever objectives or problems that come along our path becomes matters for prayer, while our energy is devoted to pleasing GOD, not making something happen."
Bottom line: you cannot follow if you're leading your own life.

Trusting GOD is often birthed in darkness, just like so much of creation was formed before there was light.

"When all is unclear and I ask what should I do? I decide what best reflects the character of GOD and move accordingly. Be courageous, be wise, be imaginative. You love GOD. Do something."

Meant to be

2009-05-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

With old eyes I see the meant to be, possibilities fly away into silent sorrow.
Long held dreams that will never be, cannot be purchased with worthless sand dollars of the sea.

His heart for life and gumption is gone. Questioning his sacrifice a haunting song.
I gave and I gave, with all that I am, to get stony glares when it comes to the end?

Who am I? Where am I? It was never this way to be.
He dies in his heart as he places his ashes at GOD's feet.

Long, long, long as death completes it's goal.
Only then he sees life's true meaning is in him who knows.

To live you have to die, to gain MY meant to be.
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Our Heavenly Father wants you to be free from self so he can give you himself.
He knows the best for you, you cannot see.
After the rags and ashes of life are laid at his feet, comes resurrection of himself in you.
Far more wonderful his way than you could ever accomplish on your own. So let go, let GOD.
We are called to come by and encourage for there is always someone you know going through the black night of death. Reach out, come along side.
Walk together with the Shepherd.

His eyes said

2009-05-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

I need you, his eyes said, as I entered the church.
The Christ in you encourages me.
I'm frail and searching, I'm like a lost kid,
my heart is unsettled, tired of wrestling with my head.

I need you, his eyes said, as I entered the church.
To find more of the shepherd I see you adore.
The one who helped you through the blackest days,
is the same one I need right now for my way.

I watched GOD love him through my everyday words.
Our spirits together with the Lord we both share.

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How much would I be if you took GOD out of me. Isn't it obvious the glory is all about the KING!

WITH HIM...

2009-05-13T21:20:00.000-07:00

With HIM takes care of so many things

With Him:

I'm not bored.
My every moment has purpose and value.
I am holiest I can possibly be.
I don't have to question that what I'm doing is the right thing.
I don't have to worry about being significant or accomplish anything with my life.
I don't have to trust in my self.
I don't have to please others.
I don't have to carry the responsibility of my life.
I can rest from myself and not have my mind drive me nuts.
I can enjoy his acceptance and love for me.
I can enjoy how he shows me things of himself.
I can feel contented in my heart.
I can know that all circumstances of life He is in the center of.
I can glorify in worldly failure if they are following him.
I know that temptations, loneliness,greed, anger has b een overcome by Christ and his freedom is available to me.
I can be a child of his delight.
I can doubly love and enjoy life with GOD's love and my own.

Thank you Lord for all you are to me.

Unbroken Intellect

2009-05-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

In my self therapy blog, I get the opportunity to recall the events and insights that have made an indelible difference in my life. So for today I will recall the time I found out about my unbroken intellect. The concept I believe I discovered from an old Watchman Nee book.
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How does one so little, thinks he knows so much?

We truly know so little yet act so competent. And when I say we, I mean me as well, the way we speak with such conviction with the authority of one who is all knowing is flibber flabber.

A while back I saw an advertisement where the entire thing was whispered. It was effective and I thought what if presidential candidates could only whisper during their debates, that would be different.
Authority needs not embellishment, truth is it's volume.
Like GOD sovereignty it is position. Pretty much GOD saying "I AM" says it all.
He is the one who opens and no one can close. That closes and no one can open.
GOD created all things by his authority. His Authority is his power. His authority is himself.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, is letting GOD have his rightful place in my life.

I take few steps with my mouth that I don't put the ted spin doctor to.
Remember the prayer " May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing Lord to you."
Bottom line; unchecked mouth=unchecked heart.

Typical ted thinks that since I am able to configure words from my head, I have the right to manipulate the words any way I want to make it most convincing, demanding as truth.

Unchecked mouth, unchecked heart, unchecked head.

Right about now the tune to the little chorus "Humble yourself in the sight of the LORD"runs through my head.

Isn't there within us the desire to communicate GOD the way he desires?
I know I would listen more and speak less. I would see more often what GOD was doing instead of just what I wanted to get done. I would enjoy the small common everyday delights he loves to point out. I would enjoy the freedom and peace of a shared submissive mind. And I would be better able to tune into the needs of others and a deeper relationship with GOD.

Lord forgive me for the multitude times I have thought and spoken unshared with you.

I need to live asking you what do you want said, done, thought, felt, given so as not to miss out watching you.

It's a stitch to see how GOD, when let in ,will change how and what things are spoken.
You often see the fruit of it immediately and you have the joy of submissive obedience in real time.
How do I know how GOD is working in my life?
Just by the way I changed the way I spoke to that person, so it was the way Christ wanted it said.

Leaky Brain

2009-05-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

My mother talks about having a leaky brain where she can't recall things like she used to.
I think she does just fine, it is myself that has the faulty brain circuitry.
I am always asking my wife to recall events from my past to re-enjoy.

All That's GOOD

Partial pictures of beautiful memories,

Sit on the edge of my mind desiring to be enjoyed.

All the colors and sounds I do get, I cherish.

Thank you Father for the many gifts,

now like fleeting clouds yet warm my heart.

How I long to see in faith not only you Father,

but all that is good.

To revisit tender love given, by so many.

To see your nature from memories

partially hidden.

For you oh Lord are the wonders unfathomed,

the keeper of all that is good.

For one day to be my gift.

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AnneBeth Bed time stories

2009-05-12T06:59:00.002-07:00

My dear wife loves to fall asleep while I'm talking to her. She says my voice puts her to sleep. Now of all things endearing to a man's self esteem hearing you make me snore, isn't the most flattering, so I tell her stories. Now many of these stories have very abrupt endings for that is when I realize she is sound asleep. Sit back and prepare to snore.

The wind blew hard at Annebeth's worn clothes as she walked the 3 miles out of town to the cemetery. It was September 25th her 8th birthday and the orphanage where she lived didn't
give a hoot where she was. Since her Papa died all she had ever known was the hard hearts of the Headmaster and his mean wife Gonome and the bland watery fish soup for dinner and the grey mush for breakfast.
Earlier this day she had gone to school and for normal kids, for a birthday you invited friends home to a birthday party your parents put on. But all her classmates knew she was an orphan and orphans don't have parties.
AnneBeth pulled the thin shawl closer around her as a big truck blasted by. 3 miles was a long way but she was 8 now and there was plenty of big rocks she could huddle behind we she got too cold. All day long she walked and huddled and finally arrived at the cemetery where her papa was buried. Here at his headstone was where she curled in fact there was an indentation where she had come and curled so often. The headstone was large which blocked much of the cold coastal Norwegian wind. Oh Papa I miss you so much Little AnneBeth cried. I am 8 years old and nobody cares that it is my birthday today. But I know you would care if you were here.
Halfway across the cemetery was an old man in his mid fifties kneeling at a little grave.
AnneBeth had come here often and seldom did she ever see anyone unless it was a weekend and then they stayed only a few minutes. He was a curiosity to her for he was talking out loud to the little headstone before him. so she started crawling closer so she could make out what he was saying. She could tell he was broken hearted and heard him say "Lord I know you had your reasons for taking her, but oh how I miss her and love her". AnneBeth thought he was talking about his wife that had passed away, until she heard him say "she would be eight years old today and I would give anything to hold her and tell her how much I love and miss her."

Now at this point my dear wife is purring sound asleep in sleepy land and I can't sleep because the rest of the story is just hanging there to be finished. It reminded me of when I was in late junior high school and would get charlie horses in the middle of the night, oh , how I wanted to cry out for my Dad to come comfort me, but oh no I was too old for that.
I have watched people come to the end of their life and have regret for all they didn't accomplish, like my story I just presumed it would go on and on to a wonderful happy ending.
But life isn't all that gracious but GOD is . In heaven, in eternity there will be completeness to all half finished stories. We will see the completion of justice for all wrongs done. That is why the book of revelation speaks of battles with satan lasting so long, GOD will have completed justice.For now the rest of the story may have to wait, but it will come. There is a bible phrase' in the fullness of time". MY life will see the complete fullness of time.
But for my wife I doubt if she ever will get the rest of the story, snooze you loose!

Heat of Fire

2009-05-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

Heat of fire your desire
till all dross of me is gone

Heat of fire your desire
your character in me is done

Heat of fire your desire
it takes such heat intense

Heat of fire your desire
make my desire for thee

To

2009-05-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

Listening and stilling who I am to who you are
To see what you see and explore who you are
To live in time with you and not just myself

To touch and love with words of your heart
To sing and adore with words of my heart

With all that I am may your music be sung.

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Heart Holder

I have given Heart Holder my heart
my trust and I am content.
His gifts of love and light are fun
Dancing with childhood brightness
before Jesus his son.

Small shutters of heaven He opens
his music fills my ears,
sweet, gentle, warm and knowing
His love for me so clear

Times of trials come and shutters are closed
I turn to him who lies within
there is no music the battle begins

This time it's pain that's trying to win
No room for thoughts, here it comes again
pain pain it drives a guy insane
so I kick on back and let Heart Holder reign

Ride on King Jesus in you I place my trust
take this pain for your glory , that's reason enough.

Eyes can't see and ear can't hear
when pain screams and blinds with tears
yet through it all Heart Holder is enough.

My life is hid in HIM.

The Great Escape

2009-05-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

Over many years of fabricating my own structure of Christianity for GOD. He brought me low with long emotional draining battles within. Using the very structure I trusted in he humbled me until I saw him only.
He is the good father desiring what I need so he can give the better gifts of himself.
In the long years of fire, I tried to keep the snipets of self construction until at last they too were blown away ashes.
It took darkness to value and live in him who is light.
I was a prisoner of self, ever desiring the great escape into Christ. Until I suffered until the sand castles of my construction were destroyed I couldn't have the gold light of him.
True to GOD like form my great escape came not in some quick manner but in many small everyday ways I saw who I was in Christ and traded in ted.
Learning afresh how to follow, how to watch the one who is leading. How to look for what he sees.
Once again I feel like a spiritual infant in a life I should have had all along. But he took my regret and rolled out eternity yet to be lived . He is the great redeemer life wasted strayed sheep.

My great escape wisdom WILL SOUND FAMILIAR;
He who tries to save or construct his own life will find it impossible and you will loose all your effort.
BUT he who looses his life to gain all that Christ is will find life and peace.
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What I See

Oh that you could hear what I see
of the king that lives in me.
He is light and love and bright eternity.
One who delights in changing the color of the sea.

Oh that you could hear what I see.
The way he feel and values every tear.
With gentle heart and loving care
he lets me know he is ever near.

Oh that you could hear what I see.
My Father who takes such care of me.
He's there when I am tired and cannot think at all,
in mid flight he catches me as I fall.

Oh that you could hear what I see.
The sweet fun laughter we two do share,
Exploring the one who is always around
is the greatest adventure I have ever found.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

Love that's ever loving
How I'm doing,ever on her mind.
her spirit full of color
like warm sunshine ever kind.

She held me when I was little
in middle of night when I cried.
She held me when I was older
when life's trial I was tried.

creating happiness in my childhood
with birthday parties of delight.
Now that I'm older
her meatloaf catches my sight.

She sewed on Cub Scout badges
washed clothes and broke up fights
her life and love for Jesus
kept her studying late at night.

Her husband loved her dearly
and she him with all her might.
that we kids may learn of true love
the type that holds you tight.

always doing for others
often going without
giving of her heart
is what she was about

Now is Mothers day morning
trees are bright in bloom
I have this sweet assurance
with my mom there is always room

Love you Mom a zillion!

Laughing King

2009-05-09T20:50:00.000-07:00

I slid on the blue morning sky and dangle my feet in his white
Arms wide I volley ball clouds to his delight
Bouncing them clear out of sight

Wide eyes excitement ushers his next surprise
As the wind of his spirit tickles and spins me head over heels
To slide on the blue again

Brown earth seats me into a childhood throne
While green trees laughingly bow homage
To this childhood king

It is GOD’s gift of the morning
To be free as a child
Of the laughing KING
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Just isn’t me

Profound and deep just isn’t me
I’m a dingaling dork that hangs with the king
But oh how he loves me
Just the kid that I am
Flibber flabbing gibber gabbing
Attempting to paint my KING

My words go in and feed my soul
My words go out the heart of my shout
It is the voice of love redeemed
From locust lost years
And echoing laughter down eternity’s hall

It’s clicker clap and stinker snap
Sprinkly spratt and turkey tat
I get to sparkle as I sit in his lap

the color of one second of time

2009-05-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

How does one paint the colors of my KING?
When he who is beauty is ever changing
With failing attempts I grab a second of him
and with paint of words inadequately portray him
For even as I try his colors change
he giggles and twirls with freedom of love and light
He really likes being the KING
In him there is a time for happiness
All happiness is him.
He joys that I try, it tickles his fancy
It is exciting to try as he shoots across the sky

Delight of the day

2009-05-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Fluff and Flutter peanut butter
around and around my head spins
picking up tidbits of nothing that matter
it's morning time in my head.

Fluff and Flutter peanut butter
I go to my chair to begin.
The putting of heart and spirit together
to live in his light within.

Fluff and Flutter peanut butter
scattered thoughts be off with ya now
so I may walk and watch how you move through this day.
My Lord the delight of my day.

To Clip or not to clip that is the question.

2009-05-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

Everybody has views and perspectives that are not universally accepted. Such I'm sure is mine today.

Once upon a time there was a boy that was born with a strange phenomena. Instead of hair he had grass on his head. That's right, bright green grass. His parents to took him from Doctor to Doctor to try to find out why their child was born with grass instead of hair. Of course no Doctor could help. They said we have specialist for every thing under the sun but nothing for grass instead of hair.

It was tough on the Parents, once when they were visiting friends on a farm and a goat came over and started eating the grass off their baby's head.

In the summer their child's grassy head grew like crazy and they had to cut it or mow it every week.

It hadn't help that before the child was born they named him Cutter and their last name was Crabb. So by the time the child was in first grade he was persistently teased as "Grass Cutter, Crab Grass, well you can only imagine what it was like for the boy.

The parents tried dyeing the grass but it wouldn't color.

They tried grass killer for a bald boy was better than a grassy haired boy, but it wouldn't die, it would turn yellow if he didn't bathe.

When Cutter turned 8 years old things got a lot worst, one morning he awoke to find bright yellow dandelions growing out of head. He would play outside and bumble bees would follow him everywhere he went.

One night he invited his friends over for a sleepover where they shampooed his head with Ortho Grow fertilizer and by the next morning he had grass down to his feet.

He had to cut it 3 times a day. Every where he went he had to carry scissors just to keep up with the grass growing so fast, it caused problems because bus drivers, lunch room ladies and teachers don't like lawn clippings all over so now he had to carry his own grass catcher bag everywhere he went.

This poor boy was at Witt's end when he came home and his parents informed him that both of them were allergic to grass.

No one person could help poor Cutter.

It was Christmas and Cuttter wrote Santa Clause a letter asking for real hair instead of grass. Little did he know that all around the world children were being born with grass for hair and come Christmas morning each child received a box of cordless lawn clippers that were attached too a belt they wore around their waist and a tee shirt that said feel free to clip.

Cutter and the other children with grassy heads soon had many friends. Every one wanted to trim grass, Dad and Mom spent special time with Cutter as daily each would trim his grass.

When Cutter turned twelve just like all the other children their grass turned into beautiful hair.

Cutter spent his life helping parents with grassy head children and was the national Rep for Scotts Lawn and Scalp Trimmers.

The story you just read is true, only the name have been changed to protect the Innocent.

When it comes to counseling people I think we are all screwed up. The people that have helped me the most were the ones that walked along side and pointed the right direction. They had clippers in their hands and were willing to be with me. GOD is the great changer of hearts not the cleverness of words.

Larry Crabb a christian counselor said it well, "We have specialist for everything. What we need is for Christian's to be there for each other, to walk through life together and support each other and we would do away with specialists".

Love GOD and the second is like the first love each other.

People are so complex their problems are multi layered and GOD is so capable to touch the many things that need to be changed so we wont miss out on more of him.

Look and see who are the ones GOD has appointed you to care and walk along side?

Is it time to pick up a clipper again?

Lord of my everyday moments

2009-05-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

Looking back it was my Lord of the everydays that showed me the wonders of the common.

That getting what satisfies wasn't a certain job, but the dearest of friend that raises the sun every morn.

My lifes meaning is not all about here, but in the heart of a carpenter.

I watch a world crying in pain to gain that which was given freely with nail pierced hands.

Missing, He who is the light of eternity and this everyday moment.

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Fear Not For Behold

Set free to fear not what failures may do

My heart opens wider for his way not mine

Living in life from the one who holds it

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Invisible

You came invisible and work behind and inside all that is

You came invisable in healing life of self you give

You came invisable and slowly I changed

Incredible that you my invisable now lives in me

I pray you enough

2009-05-08T06:37:00.000-07:00

I got this e-mail story from my brother Chris

I PRAY YOU ENOUGH: Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, 'I love you, and I pray you enough.' The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I pray you enough, too, Mom.' They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?' Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?' 'Well...I'm not as young as I once was, she lives so far away & has her own busy life. I have some challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said. 'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I pray you enough.' May I ask what that means?' She began to smile. 'That's a prayer that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I pray you enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory. I pray you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I pray you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye. Then, she began to cry, and walked away.
They say, it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but an entire life to forget them.

In the shadow of the mighty Maple

2009-05-07T08:16:00.000-07:00

Giant maple trees grew up by the well in our neighborhood. Their huge canopy shadowed the mossy magical land at their base.
Pirates and war games often took stage on the massive roots and long arms.
My ,I had big agendas back then. It was a lot of pressure swash buckling or crawling on my belly to attack an enemy outpost. And those monarch huge maple trees witnessed it all.
In one of the large maples, my brother Chris made for us a Tarzan swing. We spent much adventure flying through the air. Chris even put a ladder up at one end, so we could reach higher heights. When our sisters boyfriends came over, we would eagerly take them to the swing where they would show their bravery and lack of sense. We would laugh for years to come of their ripped pants and full body slams into the old maple tree.
When it poured down rain you could always play under the huge maples, they possessed a mossy smell of earth and in the fall it was a wonderland of leaves. Spring time one could find beautiful trillium flowers their white and pink blossoms stood out so strikingly in the darkness beneath the trees.
Those old maples witnessed childhood memories I can only vaguely recall.
Last night I couldn’t sleep and thought about the years I have loved my wife .Childhood sweethearts so there have been many experiences and through it all there has been a covering like the old maple trees that has witnessed it all.
Looking through old photographs of our shared youth in the background is the old maple tree GOD that was there.
He enjoyed the sparkle of young love, he witnessed every moment and treasured them with big old tree father affection for we were his kids.
When we love our spouse so dearly have you ever thought how much of GOD you are loving at the same time?
I speak often of the shared life with him, His canopy over us has always been his incredible father love.

Zoned by GOD

2009-05-06T22:40:00.000-07:00

Artistic people have have a zone they get into when they are creating.
When the zone is there, they flow and what ever they desire comes to be.
Even writers talk about a rhythm to writing, a type of moving a person with words to their desired end.
Some say they write, what they see in their mind as if it were a play they were attending.
I don't claim such with my chicken scratches.
But I do know about the zone when I am chainsaw carving animals. If the saw was sharp, the wood had no knots it carved like butter. Listening to my tunes I got into the zone, the saw disappears and what ever I wanted carved comes about.
I know the disappearing chainsaw sounds a little dangerous but it really wasn't.
I imagine there is a zillion different zones people love to enjoy.
I do have a favorite it is the GOD zone.
The GOD zone sounds like the twilight Zone. Please do not try to adjust your spiritual religiosity you have entered the GOD zone.
I use the word zone because it is very much like that.
Who he is, accompanies me. His spirit inside me changes the value of the day. Sure I can easily zone him out by doing my own thing away from him but like the creative zone of ease and fluidity he has his music of himself within me. There have been times when from the time I got up till I went to bed he filled my head with music. It was a background music.
There were other times that what ever I prayed and worshipped him it came out in lyrics to all sorts of music.
Now I know this seems out there a ways, but as I sit here and think about it he has given a thousand types of zones of himself to me.
I recall one when he was silent and hugeness of GOD shook in silence for he needed not sound to be big and be GOD.
Many times he has zoned me by love for people.
Zone is anytime you sense a sharing with him. Even in the blackest silence of GOD, the sense of himself exists.

The bible talks about grieving the Holy Spirit within you. I am sure this is what Adam felt and all us Adams since, when we have cut our selves off from GOD . Sinning dulls the relationship with GOD just like it does when we sin against the people we love.

Being right with GOD allows more room for him. Thus his wonderful gift that we can ask forgiveness.

Zone is best described by an old Church Hymn "And he walks with me and he talks with me , and he tells me I am his own, And the joy we share as we tarry there, no other will ever know."

Favorite sayings

2009-05-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Favorite sayings:
"It's not so much what you have, but how much you enjoy what you have."

"I'd rather be known in heaven than known on earth"

My Dad's "The prize goes to the guy that was actually in the arena."

My Moms, I think from CS Lewis; "If you saw people the way they are going to be in heaven, you would fall to their feet and worship them."
My version, "if ya don't like me now , just wait till I get upstairs."

My latest is from AW Tozer; "I am of the opinion that we should not be concerned about working for GOD until we have learned the meaning and the delight of worshiping Him.
He also said " GOD's will is that we should push into His presence and live our whole life there." And
"....they had a reverent sense of complete nearness to GOD."

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in the spirit". Psalm 34:18

" He prays well ,who is so absorbed by GOD that he doesn't know he is praying." Frances de Sales

"Obedience is the key to seeing GOD."

"Inward gazing upon GOD"

"GOD asks that we should withdraw ourselves from the visible and hold fellowship with him. Man was created for the presence of GOD" Andrew Murray.
" It seems to me as time goes by, the only thing worth seeking for, is to know and be known by Christ-a privilege open alone to the childlike, who with receptivity, guilelessness, and humility, move GODward." C.Brent

And the one I am most famous for " I can resist anything but ice cream and temptation."
Of course this runs in conjunction with "we are shaped and fashioned by what we love."

Good stuff for Wednesday morning. I find it interesting how quotes have worked their good into who I am. But then it wasn't quotes but Christ who I have come to know.
Have a great day out there! All ye of bloggy land.

Big Gulp!

2009-05-05T09:51:00.001-07:00

Oh, no! Can I change my mind a go to the end of the line?

Killer Whale size wounds.

2009-05-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Tag me with all your heart!

2009-05-04T07:23:00.000-07:00

Reading the pond from a distance he was glad he was alone. Just someone walking by could spook the fish. The 13 year old mighty fishermen with rod and gear in hand had already landed several large fish in his mind waiting for the bell to ring to be let out of prison. (school).
Crouching low by the bank that made the pond he selected the darkest side, here he could see the evening bugs skittering on the surface and he knew those big lunkers were watching, picking out their hourdurves for dinner.
The stillness shattered by a medium size bass gulping down his fly dinner. The excitement in the young fisherman was running strong as he backed away and assembled his rod and reel. He had spent a goodly sum on his latest lure an imitation frog plug, it possessed two chrome plated cups in the front that would give it the frog like swimming action. The top was a dark green with black dots with it’s belly white with black dots. It was the most expensive lure he had ever purchased $6.89 which took most of Saturday mowing money.
Taking it out it’s box he tied it on thinking he didn’t want to loose this lure but he knew in his heart this big lure would catch the grand daddy of lunkers in the pond.
Positioning himself so his shadow was to his back he rose ever so slowly to cast. Stopping and slowly moving he found his desired spot. The lure new to him and heavier than any ever casted worried him, he didn’t want it to land in the lily pads where it would tangle and spook the fish . He decided on a spot on the other side of the pond, he would land it on the edge of the pond and work it into the water. ZZZFFFPPP the cast was perfect. Yeah baby , he thought how come there are never people around to see me when I am so good. He let the lure sit on the edge a few moments then with slow determined pulling he walked it into the water and let it rest.
Oh it was a beauty in the water, slight wrist movements to the left and right gave the lure the enticing action of a once in a life time meal for the huge fish he knew was watching it. Again and again he would move it and then stop.
The stops had to be perfect, too long and the lure would loose it’s motion forward , too few stops, and it would be unnatural.
It was exhilarating, every sense was tuned to this moment, he was so connected the pole and line in his mind was gone it was him and the lure and the big one beneath.
The lure halfway across the pond would soon be out of the shadow and he knew the fish would then turn back. So with hunter instinct he quivered the lure which frenzied the dark beast to lung clear out of the water and attack the plug from the top. ZZZZffffppp then line screamed out, oooooahhg the rod flipped back setting the hook and instant release before line would break.
This fisherman knew his prey would head back to the lillypads and he had to move his head to open water or he would loose all.
Feeling the pull he risked what he could and pulled hard. The giant jumped out of the water the splash and site of it spun the young fisherman’s heart into space. He knew that this was the big one of his life. The line whined as the fish sounded to the bottom. The weight and pull of this fish was so strong it was red lining every experience he had ever had before. He only knew with every ounce of himself he had to play this fish right, there was no room for mess-ups.
Again and again he directed the giant a way from the lilies, again and again it dove . Slowly ever so slowly the fisherman gained and line was coming in.
There is a point in fishing when a fisherman can see the fish , the fish no longer diving, is worn down, the line is taunt but he can see just how big it is. It is huge, humongous, his whole being enthralled, the victor of a once in a life time fish. The hard part was how does he get it out of the water?
He was never rich enough to own a landing net, the pond’s bank were steep and slippery. All fish up to this point you could just flip onto the shore, now he couldn’t move or the fish would bolt.
He sat on the bank and slowly skidded on his bottom into the pond reeling in line as he went. The giant seeing the young fisherman's feet spooked and dove out again. For a moment the fisherman panicked thinking he had lost the fish but again he brought him in, this time right between his legs . His pole was held with both hands high over his head the giant laid before him. The only problem was he was slipping deeper into the pond the water was up to his armpits, the fish was at his belly button and he was still slipping. Oh he could see the fish alright it was right at his chest. A fine mess you got yourself in this time Ollie he thought. It was then the giant shook his head which snagged one of the hooks onto the straps of the bib overalls he was wearing which of course unhooked the fish.
How quickly a fisherman's heart can drop.
I’m not sure there is a fishing hole that deep.
The young fisherman soaked to the bone makes the long trip home a trail of water soaking in the dust of the road his only trophy.

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This weekend I was recalling my childhood memories, as the place we were at was beside a pond.
Life for a kid is all about the moment in fact his whole life is all about what is happening right now in real time. Remember lines like "I'm going to die if I don't get to....," Every body's there I just gotta go", or how about "you don't understand me you never have, you always like Joey better."
Drama Queen, is the term we oldsters often use. Where it can be a real hassle there is gold in it. For youth know how to open there heart to life, most haven't had the stuffing of disappointment kicked completely out of them yet. There is still room and space for the big dreams. My heavenly Father is in the process of re birthing that youth like open heartedness in me, like the childhood game of tag he is saying come and tag me. Tag me and see if I don't hold every wonderful thing about you, you can't remember but I do . Tag me and I will show you not only your self as child but yourself as child adult. Because you will always be my child. Tag me and I will give you sneak peeks of what Heaven will hold and what you will behold when we are together face to face . Be gutsy, be like a kid and tag me, see if I don,t have a place for every part of who you are .Tag me with your open heart.

What a day continued/respect the king

2009-04-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

Beaching the boat, unloading gear and anchoring the boat took a little time but finally the crew was headed for the river.
Bear highways are paths through the grass flats where bears traveled and rolled around. It's the first sign of bear presence and it heightens ones sense that your not the big boy in this town.
Eyes are scanning and noise making can be heard from the guests, desiring the bears, to know they were coming.
Reaching the mouth of the river the fish are there and the gang is super hyped to catch fish. But the prime spots lie further up stream.
Finding it easier to walk up the side of the stream several of the guys split up to do so.
It wasn't long beware we hear yeoooow. The guests traveling up the shallow water were spooked royally by a school of pink salmon running up the river at the same time. Being that it was low tide and the water just a few inches deep the upcoming salmon made their own wave as they traveled up the stream.
The guest all sudden heard this water rushing toward them and thought for sure it was a brown bear charging , it scared the bejiggers out them.
Further up stream the stream deepened, brush is taller and the evidence of bear is every where, one has this instinctive radar going on to keep an eye on the back trail.
After hearing Ken's bear stories the guests think that there are boogie bears behind every bush.Which is good. Respect for Brown bears can keep you alive.
A brown bear can run 40 miles per hour, faster than a horse.
Finally the fishing gear is busted out and we start pulling in fish like crazy.
Up around another bend a large tree has overturned leaving a dandy hole where you can see sockeye, trout, pink salmon, dog salmon stacked like cord wood.
The trick is to get your lure to the fish you desire without catching the others on the way.
Ken is hanging way out over the stream unsnagging hooks and netting fish. The guys are in 7th heaven fishing.
Finally we tire of all the fish and head for the boat .But now the way is longer the tide has come in and the group must circle inland to get back.
Along the way AnneBeth finds some nangoon berries and picks a few.The rest of the guys are hunters returning with their fine catch.
The boat is pulled in we load up and for home.
All that bear sign yet no bear, Ken , AnneBeth and I scan the beaches in hopes of spotting one. We were just about to Phonograph creek we I spotted a most unusual thing.
A medium size brown bear was swimming across the inlet. I had seen deer swim across the inlet but never a bear.
Mr. Brown bear was pretty defenseless swimming so we came up right along side. He was snorting mad, it was hard enough to swim across but then to be bugged by these guys in the boat can make a grown bear spit.
Finally we watched him wander into the woods glad to be shut of us.But we did get some good photos.
At phonograph creek at the mouth of the stream is an outcropping of rock we tide the boat up to as the guys went spin casting for trout.
I got out and went for a little walk not far but out of site of the boat. I came around one big rock and right in front of me was a big brown bear he was 15 feet away standing on his hind legs. My heart froze, when I put my Witt's back in my body I slowly back ed away and we all got out of Dodge. Whispering bear right behind me , hurry!!!!!! to the guests makes fishing for trout or even breathing less important. We were out of there.
Back in the boat away from Mr. Brownie we all found our selves again. The guys were saying what a day what an adventure. AnneBeth rolled her Norwegian eyes and thought Adventure is just another name for danger.
Latter I had a chance to be by myself, I thanked GOD for letting me escape. Death then and since then has brushed close.
It changes how you see life, it enhances how you value life and causes one to love more deeply.

A verse from the bible did go through my mind "satan travels back and forth seeing whom he may devour". Be alert, even in the most beautiful tranquil settings we can be had unless we stay with the one who has already won every battle. Jesus prayed in the Lord's prayer "Father deliver us from evil."
Sudden appearances of the enemy is typical . But we serve, respect and fear the authority that is greater than our enemy.
Respecting and fearing GOD is the beginning to being smart.
Yes he is loving but he is also GOD.
Lord I gladly humble myself to you, granted I don't always humble myself to you but you are always worthy of all respect and honor. And there will come a day when every knee will bow before you and acknowledge you as GOD. I'd just like to get a head start on that day and say papa you are worthy I am your kid
ted.

What a day/ Live in the hunt

2009-04-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

As often the case the morning fog was lifting as our boat headed to the end of the inlet. As we pasted third island three seals dove from the rock they had been sleeping on while a raft of 4 otters seemed to be enjoying their breakfast, saying "don't you just love crab on the half shell?"
It is dead flat calm and instinctively we follow the shore line looking for Herring or needle fish which are the breakfast food of champion King salmon.
My favorite description of Alaska is, you just don't know what's going happened next!
On board my dear friend Ken Wolff , AnneBeth and 3 other guests are anticipating the morning. Sweeping in closer to Phonograph flats we point out an old log cabin and 2 deer that among the reddish purple fire weed allows only their heads to show.
Each new gift of wildlife both Ken and I thank GOD for, Our desire is to show our guests the Alaska that captures our heart.
The back drop of steep mountains dropping straight down both sides of our inlet frames the adventure in a GOD like majesty.
Their snowy tops reflecting colors and this morning in the stillness of the water you can see the mirrored reflection.
Nearing Steel Head creek we swing in close in hopes of seeing a bear. Nothing but an big raven on an old tree trunk snag bristling his feathers.
What we do see is schools of humpies in the shallow water waiting for high tide when they will go up to spawn. Among them large Dolly Varden trout which love to dine on salmon eggs. In fact there was a time when the state of Alaska would pay you for killing these trout and eagles as well.
Our guests so excited over the fish just about jump out of their britches .
Where this little stream has provided a lot of fun in the past, both Ken and I knew that the real excitement lies further down the inlet.
With every outcropping point the search continues to spot a brown bear.
It's on the Alaska check list that all visitors subconsciously have. This list consists of huge fish, lots of fish, brown bear, whale, breaching whale and then the list drops down to smaller animals.
As guides, the pressure is to fulfill their Alaska list, the sooner we do it the quicker the pressure is off us.
But no bears are spotted this morning.
At last we enter the very end of the inlet ,the flat land of grass stretches out wide before us.
The guests are straining their eyes to catch a look see for a bear.
They reminded me of a car I saw going down the highway,that had a dog head sticking out of every window. But with the anticipation of a 10 year old boy 10 minutes before opening fishing season. This could be the day! There is danger, adventure, trophy fish and all the unknown. The epitome of boyhood and manhood dreams was just ahead.
Ken loves to hunt and fish, of all the men I ever known, he was born to be the mountain man. He has internal instincts that makes it exciting just to be with him.
But I told him once you will experience a hunt you will never recover from.
Nothing will compare, you will have to be so attentive to your actions so as not to spoil the hunt.
Your eyes will have to always be aware, your heart, you will have hold in order to succeed, and the pay off of trophy will be daily as much as you want with the most incredible sportsman's banquet at the end of your life.
All the passion and love for hunting will be satisfied and you never have to stop.
Hard for a born to be mountain man to believe.
Well truth is GOD is the ultimate experience. Not just preacher talk, what part of the day wasn't created by GOD?
Shared with him to watch his movement is incredibly a hunter high. Being attentive, being silent so as to read the situation. Including all the senses.
I enjoy the hunters eye for GOD. That is when out of the corner of your eyes you notice him do something or He points out a small something that normally I would past by. He is so clever.
He shares the hunt he is the hunt and you get to live in the hunt.
I came to you that you might have life full , in me.

New Truth

2009-04-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

It stirred within him.
All through the days normal activities he sensed the New Truth moving inside him with a subtle bright excitement.
The New Truth was doing a new work inside him regardless of his mind.
It was as if New Truth had been waiting its whole life for this moment, and now finally was able to bring its life.
Inside his spirit he sensed that New Truth had it's own happiness in cleaning the house. It's light scuffled out corners of dusty cobweb darkness with child like delight.
Driving into town to do another errand of the day he could tell ,that New Truth was still at it, opening the brightness of future not yet lived enjoying being love thrilled in fact to be here to do what he was doing
Pulling out of a parking lot heading for the gas station he couldn't get his head around it yet still it continued. Latter at home it was still taking place, falling asleep on the couch it still took place, regardless of anything it is still taking place.
New truth we know your name and who you are.
You are just amazing all the ways you live within me.
"and Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the light."
I had to die on the cross so that my spirit, who I am can come and reside within you until we are together face to face in heaven forever.

My brothers and I can chain saw carve animals out of chunks of wood. Other people have come up amazed of what we can do with a chunk of fire wood.
To us it's a no brainer, we can size up a chunk of wood and know quickly what it can and cannot do. Likewise Christ's spirit within us, it's a no brainer for GOD to be with in us, he enjoys it, and we stand amazed.

The sword is pulled

2009-04-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

Seeing things as truth and living things as truth is often difficult even when they have been in front of your nose all your life.
Fisherman in the fog have a saying "trust the compass over what you think." The same goes for pilots.
For we who have accepted Christ.
Jesus died on the cross for our sins. It now allows GOD to see us perfect and being perfect he can now have a relationship with us , Before the sin kept us apart from GOD because GOD and SIN Can't mix.
That's it, straight and clear.
On the cross he not only forgave our sins he forgot our sins and put them away as far as the east is from the west.
Which means if I sin and I said GOD do you remember the sin I did. He would say, what sin?

Here is the head scrunchie for the day.
How come we are always living with the junk luggage of our past sins?
If we are a new creature in Christ and the old things are gone, why are we always picking them up and proclaiming look what a wretched cruddy person I am?
If Jesus said it is finished why are we holding on to the sin and beating ourselves up with it?
Paul had a crappy past he was a christian killer, and he said" This one thing I do, I forget what lies behind and go forward in Christ Jesus."
Now certainly if there are things in your past you need to fix ,God's spirit will let you know and you need to do them.
My wife is often telling me that I am not as cruddy a person as I think I am. And satan has got me convinced and it is crippling.

So here I am, getting it out on the table to look at.
Basic kindergarten logic:
1.When I accepted Christ as my savior from that moment, GOD seeing me through his sons blood I now am perfect and my sin part of my past is gone.
He forgot it all. Not only my past but all the sin I would do in the future.

2.From that moment he saw me beautiful , perfect. I can still see me but he cannot see my sin.
My opinion of me does not phase one bit how GOD sees me.

3. The nature of GOD is to love me. That is where he is at.

Lord you want me, to let you love me.

4.GOD your bottom line is, you want me, to see how you see me.
You want me to see that to you I am blameless, being blameless I go to a Father who does not have any reason but to love and delight in me.
You said because I am blameless I can come boldly to you any time and you will never reject me. You will never condemn me for my many screw ups in life.

Lord it was there all the time, right in front of my nose.
I am new in seeing and living with my blameless life through Christ.
I see I am the one that pushes the sin and junk in between us.
Lord I can see how your love can set me free from myself, if I just run to you open hearted without me holding my sin, into your arms.

I hear you calling me,
"come here you little rascal, let me love you, I will open the floodgates of who I am because you are perfect and please me."
"Talk to me ,tell me your concerns every part of who you are, always has my attention". "Twirl around let me see how my son's coat of righteousness looks on you. I love it, I thoroughly love you."

Lord with you right now I am totally accepted.
Inside my head I know it, but it feels like my heart is on a journey to fully experience it, but the future has never looked better.
Thank you for the brightness and the excitement of who you are.
your Ted!

The mystic story of peasant King Arthur when he pulls the sword out of the stone could only take place because he was the son of the King.
Here I am, son of the King of Kings and all I've done is played around the stone. No more, the sword is pulled, wobbly perhaps but pulled.

Beholding the GOD of my Skies

2009-04-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

My Grandfather was a farmer in the Yakima area of Eastern Washington. There came a time when physically he and Grandma couldn't take care of the place and they came and lived with my mother in Western Washington in the woods.
Grandpa felt he was in prison by all the trees.
He was used to open fields and to be able see for miles in every direction.
"There is space for life in the open fields. But here you can't see nothing, how do you stand it?"
Growing up on Bainbridge Island in the woods I didn't know much about skies.
When I moved to Mexico for two years the skies and desert was the back drop of life.
Cloud formations were fascinating, sleeping outside on an army cot with my glasses on so I could just marvel at the stars are memories I will always cherish. Latter in Alaska it was the ocean, where I would fish 4 or 5 days a week in the summer, the skies played a huge role.
Here one is always reading the skies for they fortell what is heading your way. One trip I had a commercial pilot for guest. It was so interesting to have him read the skies and tell me what he could see.
In Alaska where we spend the summer, because of the constant rain we often see shafts of light that cut through the clouds. I have a childhood memory of such an event and thought most certainly that on this shaft of light Jesus was returning to earth.
Mountain top skies seem different. Up on top of an Alaskan mountain in the middle of summer it snowed on me. The weather seems to do it's own thing on a mountain top.
In Colorado on a Mountain top in my pup tent, the rain and lightning filled the sky and thunder so loud you could feel the ground shake. It was like I was right smack in the middle of battle field.
Jeeper Creepers I remember considering staying in the Sanican than my pup tent for it might be safer there.
Then of course there is the sunsets. One of my envies is of the commercial fishermen who get to watch the incredible orange, red, mauve sunsets spread across the ocean skies.
Many of them have photo collections of such displays.
Pelican sits in an inlet of water so we see only a slice, and often we comment, "can you imagine the sunset those fishermen are having tonight".

The skies to me is GOD having it his way. The great creator is ever creating.
In the book of Nahum there is a verse that says The Lord has his way in the whirl wind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.
The skies are the constant reminder he is ever present, actively involved in every thing that is going on down here.
Over and over in the Bible GOD has said lift your eyes.
The skies for me, give the GOD perspective that yes, he is bigger than a bread box and that GOD who raises the sun, flips the star switch on at night, can make 100 mph winds and wisps of fog that shroud in clumps of trees on mountain sides is the same GOD that is inside me.
It is the "greater is he that is inside me, than he that is in the world" perspective.
The open skies, the mountain top perspective plays an important role in reflecting GOD to us.
Men, when they have great burdens will go for a walk, stand on a high point, look in the distance. Or at least in their mind look beyond themselves to he who is greater, our Heavenly father.
When excruciating trials hit, or sorrow of such intensity crushes our soul, inner anguish just takes all life from you. Lift your eyes, behold the one that has known and felt every tear you've ever shed. Every fear that has grieved you.
Look to the skies behold he is alive, he has not forgotten you.
Every molecule of who you are is ever before him. he is the one who restores life from sorrow.
In Mexico the rainfall is so little that it is truly a world of levels of dust.
Once the rain comes it floods the streets and all the dust and dirt is washed a way and it feels like the whole countryside has taken a bath.
In Pelican Alaska the boardwalk is washed clean, In Poulsbo Washington the pavement is washed clean.
Lord create in me a clean heart that lifts my eyes up to you. May I live beholding all you are!

Peace IN Christ

2009-04-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

God's peace wasn't much of a personal issue when I was a kid. I loved to play army and it was all about conquering the enemy being all powerful and surviving great odds.
Now that I'm an oldster peace sounds a lot more enticing and fits the desire of my present profile more accurately.
Maybe the years since my youth that were a combination of stress and happiness has left me desiring peace.
Even the music I prefer, is music that brings my mind to rest and gentleness. Than "come on baby light my fire".
Jesus did not say follow me and I will make your life all peaceful and prosperous. What he did say is that you will find peace in me. And that peace will be so incredible you will be able to handle what life throws at you.
If you do life in me you will see what, I the comforter can do for you.
I was looking back over the times of peace in my life that I see are clearly from GOD.
First there are those times connected to life decisions I recount the time I had a peace not to worry about getting a teaching job. And it came about. Peace about selling our house in Indianola and it came about. Peace about buying and running my little coffee business and it came about, The pattern I see is first there is the peace and then he comes in and makes it come about.
Now let me assure you that all of my life is not just peace and he does it. There are decisions and situations that he allows us to go through which is the second peace.
Peace number two, Daily peace, this is the peace that I am with you every step of the way. This is the peace when in real time I ask him to be right smack in the middle of the situation.
My peace is that I know he is real and here.
Peace number 3 Emotional Peace, this is the peace that reassures me that I am loved, I am known, who I am and valued is not based on what I have done but what I have inherited through Christ to be GOD's kid.
"peace that I leave you is not peace as this world knows peace...."

God knows so well, He knew that if we just knew of him we would think we had it all.
He said I want your heart give me your heart and I. will take care of the head.

To live in his peace you have to live in GOD. Open heart ushers in his peace, Close heart you are left with just yourself which just doesn't last long and is based on if your circumstances are happy.
Open heart allows you to be fed continually from God's love. His peace to you is that he is never surprised, you don't see him fretting about anything he's got the whole world, universe in his hand and doesn't break a sweat.
"My peace I give to you , let not your hearts be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Jesus said all my words I have spoken to you, I have said so you can have peace in me.
Peace is the character of GOD, it is like love the more you pull on it, the more it just unfolds . take the verse in Phil 4:7 The peace of GOD,which passes all understanding , shall guard your heart and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.
I don't know about you but there have been a ton of times my thoughts have driven me nuts. And GOD's peace I did not reach out for.
There have been times when I was going nuts called out to him hoping to get instant help and no help came and the worry just kept going around and around. What I learned is that:
1. snapping fingers and expecting GOD to jump just aint gonna happen.
2. Analyze your thoughts if it's from GOD he will prompt you to do something if you do it the prompting cease. If it is from satan he will condemn you and be in your head the broken record that drives you nuts. One is constructive the other is destructive.
3. I happen to get thoughts from GOD in the middle of the night and when I do there is no peace, if I get up and write them down I can go right back to sleep. But if they're from satan and can't get it out of my head. I think of the worst person I know and pray for their salvation.
I imagine how wonderful it would be if they were saved.
Now I have never heard of doing this from the bible but sure can't hurt and GOD gets my brain instead satan.
Others have said they read the bible others listen to christian music.
4. Your mind will be in peace if you keep it on Christ who is peace.

White from grey Life from death

2009-04-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Spring is coo coo, two days ago it was 74 and today it is hailing.
The sound of the hail came hitting the house and grew in intensity, then plink it was gone.
The sound reminds me of the rain that splats loud on the huge skunk cabbage and Devils club leaves in Alaska. I like the sound of it, if you listen into it you can hear high and low notes and since there is a gazillion drops it becomes a symphony of music.
There is all types of rain for example there is dancing rain. As a child I remember dancing in a spring rain squall, the sudden onset backed by bright sunshine made me feel like dancing in it's glee.
There is dark rain where one desires nothing more than to hunker by the fireside.
I have memories of feeling grateful for protection when the rain beats on a metal roof or as a boyscout at the ocean, inside my little pup tent I was safe.
Ive seen it rain so hard in Alaska that raindrops bounce a foot in the air after they hit the tin roof and I have seen the fresh water cover the salt water in the inlet.
As a kid I remember feeling like a man on a stormy day, wind and rain beating against me as I went to get firewood.
Out on the water, fishing ,the rain and wind hit with such force I swear you can hear the rain splatting on my bald head.
And then there is grey drizzle, the worst kind, day after day the same grey.
It reminds of that verse "you are neither hot nor cold." the old luke warm that drives you nuts.
The different rains and their sounds is an allegory of life so many different movements . What I like is the one that changes everything, that is when the rain changes into snow. Millions of snow flakes land in silence covering all the scars and dead colors of winter.How can snow so white come from grey clouds?
All the previous sharp contours are rounded in humps of white snow.
Every limb, fence railing, automobile is laiden deeper and deeper with each passing hour. Then the sun breaks out and the sparkling white becomes a magnificent splendor.
I love the silence of the snow, the sounds of cars are dampened. The forest is suspended in this blanket of snow. The only muffled sound is the scrunching your feet are making.
It is a time when I like to go out and be alone, for it seems the snow has stopped time and man cannot manipulate it.
It is a time to live in the Christ who has covered everything with his life. And everything is everything.
A time to forget the scars buried under the snow and behold the new blanket of Christ that covers it. white, pure, unique each flake different.
New eyes Father, new eyes, to see life through your eyes.
I have seen darkness, Ive seen relentless grey and I have seen my Heavenly Father turn that world to white splendor by who he is.
White and bright always trumps darkness and gloom.
I stand alone on a high point. Before my GOD baring all I am, what little I am, and accept all that he is, how huge that he is,, and I walk home a different man.
More of him less of me.

Show me your face

2009-04-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

This blog is my self therapy as one can easy see today.
Nobody likes to receive bad news, it is amazing how fast our heart can go kerplunk to the bottom. Yesterday the doctor informed me that the surgery done on my back wasn't done completely so I now need to have another one.
What went through my mind was "you got to be kidding" Let's see the last time I didn't have a day without pain was 8 months ago, during that time I've had
blood clots in my legs and lungs, severe nerve damage in my leg, a blood collection the size of a brick in my back, acid reflux attacks, a weird heart problem not to mention the joy of the operation. And joy joy joy I get to do it all again so maybe it might work. Kerplunk that's all I can say.
ted show me your face,lift your countenance up to me, let me hear your voice.
these words from the Song of Solomon speak to me.
Pain isn't easy, the enemy loves to come in like a flood when were down.
But GOD is always there for every minute of our life. His strength is there if we live in him and take from his out stretched hand.
ted have I ever left you? I will never leave you.
Look up, show me your face.